Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Jew Beanie (again)

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Jew Beanie

One more time before I go for a possible VFH? Please be in depth, also can you address the issue of whether there should be a more proper conclusion please. ^{Pirate Lord}__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 23:09, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

This article is under review by none other than..... Stairs. Let down your hopes, eh?

If this isn't done by 24 hours, remove the tag and review at you will. Staircase CUN^t 03:55, 31 May 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	6	We'll do the section-by-section review style for this article. Introduction - The introduction does a good job. It introduces the main idea, gets the fact down. I have noting to complain about here except one, and that is the intro might be a bit short. It's not bad, but maybe a bit more content would be nice. That said, let's point out the bright spots. The part right at the beginning with the "target or bulls eye" to Germans was excellent and creative, as well as the sentence saying how they pimp their hats as opposed to decorating Christmas trees. Excellent job. References in the Torah - This section is exceptional as well. You had good references, they drew some hardy laughs out of me. Both were excellent. However, perhaps you could add another reference in there? IT is good already, but if you want to secure a good for a VFH you should probably cram another good one in there. Other than that, however, I have no advice or criticism. Great job in that section! Modern Usage - This is where your article lost it. This section seemed unfocused and confused, as well as not funny. The first two paragraphs made me go "meh". However, you did have an excellent last line. That is the only good thing about the section. The other paragraphs need a good joke in them to make the reader laugh. I don't really have a good idea of a joke, so you will have to come up with one yourself. Magical Powers - This section is decent. The first paragraph supplied a good laugh with the part about how the x-ray vision for his entertainment. Good joke. Other than that, though, the section kind of lost it. It was sort of like the previous section, Modern Usage, where it has one good joke and that is all. Y advice stays the same: add a couple more jokes to this area. You have a pretty good idea of what to do, you just have to make the reader laugh. You had a good first section, but then you lost it. If you could get these sections to the quality of the first, you will be in good shape. Jew Beanie Imposters - This section, like the previous two, was rather weak. You have a very good idea here, but the execution was rather disappointing. You had other religions stealing the hat. I'm not sure of what exactly you could do to improve this, except one idea: when I think of these little caps, I think of the spinny ones. This could be credited to a series of comic strips called Calvin and Hobbes. So, regarding all sections but one sections: Add jokes.
Concept:	8	You have a really good idea here. It's an excellent parody, or not really a parody just a funny way to put something. You really had me hopeful when I first saw it. However, your execution let me down. As for smaller concepts, I like the idea of having references in the Torah. Good job with that. The idea of giving powers, to me, seemed a little iffy, if you know what I mean. However, with proper execution it could be made well. The idea of having imposters is golden - but like I said before, your execution was slacking. This article has an excellent concept and it is full of great ideas. However, you just need to get some good jokes in those ideas and then expand on them. If you do that, you will give the reader some good hardy laughs, and make the article completely enjoyable. I'll give you a good score for concept, because it is a good idea, but you need the execution.
Prose and formatting:	9	There were no really noticeable errors. I think I saw one spelling error. Good job with that. The only complaint I might have is the fact that your sections are a little bit short. I said that you should add jokes above, and then you should expand on them. Doing this would certainly solve your length problem. Also, you have the wikipedia template, but down at the bottom it gets kind of hard to notice. I suggest you move this to the top or at least the middle, just because I never really see them at the bottom of articles. Overall, your article is well formatted, has good grammar, and good spelling. You did a really good job. Also, nice job adding blue links. (I saw that in the previous review :P)
Images:	6.5	Er, well, you kinda of lacked with the images in this article. The first image, I see nothing wrong with it, it's just the caption. It doesn't really have anything to do with the image. I suggest you change that around, make it relate to the actual image. AS for the next image, there's nothing really wrong with it, and the caption is decent. The third image is good as well, you do a nice job with having that as the imposter. But still, the images were fine, but maybe you could put a funny caption? I love it when the captions are fun, they add to the overall quality of the article. SO you don't need to add any new pictures or take any away, just make sure to change the captions around.
Miscellaneous:	7.4	See Below.
Final Score:	36.9	I'll give you the rundown of what you need to do in this article. Crack some jokes - Your article fell short on laughs. The idea is great, just get the reader to laugh and your article will be fantastic. Also, this will add come more content to your article and make it a little bit longer. Change the picture captions - This part isn't as crucial, but still I suggest doing so to improve the overall quality of the article.
Reviewer:	Staircase CUNt 15:31, 31 May 2009 (UTC)