Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Jesus stole my girlfriend

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Jesus stole my girlfriend

I found this article in my general prowlings through Uncyc, it's one of the few articles that really made me laugh. In an ideal world i'd love to put it up for a feature, however it was a tad lacking in some areas, so I padded it out to the best of my poor ability. I'd just like to know if it really needs anything else doing to it and if you think it's deserving of a feature. Original credit goes to Zana Dark as it looks like she was the father...Err, mother. Oh whatever (Bonner) (Talk) Aug 11, 20:04

I'm here! --ChiefjusticeDS 16:24, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	8	To get straight down to it, my main problem with the humour here is that you go all out at a single type of humour and at a single joke. While the result is pretty good, I would like to see more jokes than: He is Jesus, He is a womanising slob. Just consider other things to make the reader laugh, if you are stuck for ideas then HTBFANJS is always a good source of inspiration. Otherwise the article has a very unique style and is generally amusing. Bar the alternative humour drought the only problem is that in a couple of places throughout the article the profanity feels unnecessary and the joke would flow a bit better without it. I realise that the profanity is an integral part of the character but there are times where it ruined a joke for me, this is more a cosmetic change than anything else and won't give you any problems if you do decide to go for a feature, but it would be worth reading through and making sure the profanity is OK as it is. With regard to VFH, the humour is good enough to appeal to enough people, however something suggests that you could pick up a few against votes from people who just didn't enjoy this type of humour.
Concept:	10	Your concept is excellent and is certainly eye-catching and is a pretty original one. The tone is excellent and really demonstrates what can be done with the first person perspective. The tone also stays pretty consistent throughout and when it does deviate it isn't that noticeable. Considering nobody makes a decision on VFH based on tone then I can't really judge on this one. But very good job on this one.
Prose and formatting:	8	Right the prose are bound to run into difficulties considering the style. As far as spelling and grammar goes you need to make sure you sort out plurals and tenses. My recommendation would be to proofread with care to get rid of some of these problems as well as some typos. The formatting is OK, but the middle two images are huge and the text feels as though it is squeezed in as an afterthought in a few places, the images could be made a bit smaller to remedy this. Just make sure that an image isn't pushing any important text across the page unnecessarily. As far as VFH goes, I do know that some people vote on the basis of spelling and grammar and formatting problems can pose issues, but I would suggest fixing these quickly as it won't take very long to do any of the formatting work or indeed the proofreading. Again we have some minor cosmetic changes here, the article is fine without them but it would be best to submit a finished product.
Images:	9	The images are absolutely fine and your captioning is likewise. You lose a mark because there are formatting difficulties to sort out regarding the images and I don't think it is fair to award full marks to images on articles where some work still needs done. Refer to my above comments about image formatting.
Miscellaneous:	9	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	44	This is an excellent article and definitely a potential contender for VFH. The only changes needed are the ones that I outline above, and they are mostly cosmetic and very easy to do. If you have any comments, questions or cake then feel free to drop by my talk page and a customer service representative will be along to help you shortly. Otherwise, very well done.
Reviewer:	--ChiefjusticeDS 17:30, 12 August 2009 (UTC)