Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/I Dream of Jeannie
I Dream of Jeannie[edit source]
W.T. Door 13:55, 5 September 2008 (UTC)
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This article is under review by <font-weight:bold>Gerry Cheevers. Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!! |
| Humour: | 7.6 | *intro: 7
okay, this is good. you lay the groundwork for the rest of the article. there's no real funny lines, but you've set up a potentially serious-sounding article. i'm intrigued to read the rest, so consider it a success. i would suggest adding a few more sentences to beef it up a little, so it doesn't look so lonely.
this is some good stuff, solid use of the 'straight man'. deadpan stuff is hard to write, but you've done it here. i would, however, suggest sprinkling in some more jokes. while retaining the serious tone, you could do things like build on the things the radiation did to his brain by adding something a little ludicrous in there. i find in serious articles the lines that have the best effect are the ones that seem almost true.
this section is even better. you execute the insertion of a joke (the glenn hooker thing) pretty well; try more of those throughout the article. the drunken astronaut concept is a bit overplayed.
this section has some good parts and some not-so-good. i like him being expendable and his imaginary mission. i'd like to see more detail on the imaginary missions, though (things he brought back, what he smelled like after, etc.). randomly calling him gay feels really out of place and i think you should remove it. it's also unclear as to nelson's opinion on the jeannie: does he hide her, or does he desperately try to prove her existence? i think the funniest approach would be nelson not even caring if anyone believes him, and just walking around with a crazy smile.
i really like the way you wrapped this up, it explains every detail that i was waiting to ask about in the final comments. |
| Concept: | 9 | 4/5 points for a decently well-known subject worthy of parody. this show is pretty old, and not everyone will know about it. i thus suggest placing {{wikipedia}} on your page somewhere to clarify things to those who may be unfamailiar with the show. but most people should have heard of it - it's a classic!
5/5 points for execution. i really like the way you went about this, and i am hard-pressed to find a fault in your execution. kudos! |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | some pretty big whitespace problems, i'll give it a format check. some spelling / grammar mistakes, i'll give it a proofread. |
| Images: | 7 | the images were all good. the captions were a little weak, come up with some better ones; oftentimes readers will just look at the pictures, so if the captions draw them in then you've succeeded in suckering someone into reading your article! i also think that the first image on the wikipedia page should be your lead-off image, it really goes nicely with the accidental comedy stuff. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.7 | i dream of averaging scores. |
| Final Score: | 38.3 | my preview button tells me that your final score is 38.3. this is a very solid article, much better than i was expecting for a user with a redlinked name (they're usually lazy or quitters). i would say that with some formatting stuff and a few more jokes tossed in, i would put this on VFH myself.
welcome to uncyclopedia, i hope you stick around! i assume you've read HTBFANJS, but you should know that it's a great reference and should be read often. also check out the beginner's guide, it might answer some of the questions you might have. good luck with your article! |
| Reviewer: | 17:03, 5 September 2008 (UTC) | |