Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Pick up female nerds (2nd opinion)
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HowTo:Pick up female nerds [edit source]
Either way, after I did several improvements, I think I should request for a second opinion. So, do this second opinion (approval is NOT necessary), or you'll be a dick.
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill 
| 09:07, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
|
Tagstit doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes.
While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list. |
| Humour: | 6 | The humour has been improved since the revision, but there are some things that make this weaker than it could be. First of all, this entire article is just another version of thousands of others. By saying that, I mean that jokes about nerds, and World of Warcraft, and cybersex is good and all, but it, for the most part, has been majorly run down to the ground. It is very old and most people have read stuff exactly like this before. The only thing that is a bit different from everything else is the extent to which you describe cybersex, but even then it is overused. Add new material to make it unique! Give a little thought into what your going to write before you write it, and don't follow overused jokes. |
| Concept: | 4 | The concept could be better, and it is majorly hurt for similar things explained in humor. You try to jump from one joke to another in an attempt to be funny, but in the end, it just hurts your goal. Writing more material will definitely improve this. Think over the direction you want to take this, that is different from the one you have now. Make it more original and fresh. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | You have no spelling errors so thats good from what I can see. But as you have it now, it is still painfully short. This not only weakens your overall effect by making it a stub, but also makes your article look ugly. Your sections are all very short and one paragraph each. You need to definitely add more to this to improve its look, as well as its humor. Also, you use a list, which isn't too funny anyways, and it might be better to change that into a paragraph. |
| Images: | 6 | The pictures weren't THAT great, but they did help tell your story, in a way. They didn't add any humor to it. Also, all you did was take girls and add glasses. Not all nerds have glasses and some not nerds have glasses. Your trying to work on a stereotype that was funny in sixth grade. Also, the fatman is disturbing and I am pretty sure I have seen that same picture at least in five different articles. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5.5 | Averaged |
| Final Score: | 27.5 | This definitely could use a bit more length and originality, but overall, could be a very easy fix. Good luck! |
| Reviewer: | --Tagstit 21:06, 19 January 2009 (UTC) | |
Quite a good article if I'm honest, well done. It could stand to be a little bit longer though. CrashGordon94 17:50, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
- The photo of a fatman was replaced due to people complaining that it's a cliche. So no complaining about the fatman goddamn it! It has been removed and replaced with a photo of a sexy girl instead. Also, I couldn't lengthen the article because I don't have any other ideas! Plus, the stub template was added to inform people to lengthen it.
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill 
| 00:44, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
- The photo of a fatman was replaced due to people complaining that it's a cliche. So no complaining about the fatman goddamn it! It has been removed and replaced with a photo of a sexy girl instead. Also, I couldn't lengthen the article because I don't have any other ideas! Plus, the stub template was added to inform people to lengthen it.