Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Exterminate your Most Hated Retard
HowTo:Exterminate your Most Hated Retard[edit source]
I've made repeated revisions, so I'd like to know where it stands at this point. Also, I need suggestions: Where are some good places to find pictures of dead retarded children? It's so I can put the "result" pic on the HowTo article. (By the way, the pic can't have blood as the directions do not call for any type of bloodletting." Anything looking as close as possible to sand suffocation would be preferred. Thanks.)
PS: If anyone deletes the article, then they endorse keeping retards alive. They shouldn't because retards would otherwise mooch off the government for the rest of their lives, while our tax dollars could go to better places, like fill in the blank. Eli H. Podep 02:09, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6.3 | Ok, lets get straight down to it. I like this article. Or rather, I could see myself liking this article. There are more than a few problems plaguing it in its current state, so it was smart to want a Pee review. Firstly, humour.
I think that, humour-wise, the main problem with this article is that you, quite confusingly, focus on the sexual aspect of the plan as the main attraction or device to get most of the laughs. Sure, you can joke about rape, masturbation, necrophilia and the like. Hell, it feels like 90% of all of Uncyclopedia's articles feel like they joke about that stuff. But, in my opinion, sexual humour does not go hand-in-hand with this article's subject: retarded people. I just think that, by focusing on sexual stuff, you sort of... miss the point of the entire subject. If you move away from the sexual aspect and look more at the people you are writing at, I think you could get some funny stuff into your article. Instead of writing about raping them, just write about how retards are sub-human parasites on this planet who should be wiped out in Third Reich style. In this article's case, the crueler you write about retards, the funnier it will be. And don't worry, you can never get too insulting on this website. |
| Concept: | 8.6 | A great concept that piss off a lot of people. But that's the point of this article, right? Just remember, the meaner you are to these poor people, the better. |
| Prose and formatting: | 2.3 | A pretty harsh mark, but this is probably the element of the article that needs the most work.
As a general rule, don't use lists in articles. Ever. The main reason is that they're not funny. They don't have the same flow to them that good ol' prose does. If an article flows smoothly in the reader's mind, it's more appealing, thus being funnier. In order for this article to work, you need to write in in prose. Join the steps together. Make them one coherrant piece of text. This is most likely why there is an "ugly" template at the bottom of the article. While writing in prose, you can divide your text up into sections. This doesn't have the same effect as a list. But when an article turns into a list, it says to the reader that the author was too lazy to put any kind of effort into writing it properly. The other thing that you need to address is the number of red links you have in the article. Before publishing the article, preview it so that you can see if there are any links that you use that don't exist. Red links make articles look unprofessional and unappealing. I noticed that, in one particular instance, you linked the word exterminating. Seeing as this word is a verb, it's not very likely that there'll be an article on a verb instead of the corresponding noun, Exterminate. You can use the word exterminating as your link, but make sure you link it to the article, exterminate (I don't know if there actually is an article on exterminate, but you get the idea). |
| Images: | 7.7 | I noticed you said that you haven't found another type of picture you were looking for, so I just marked you on the one picture you did have. As far as that picture goes, it's good. A relevant, slightly humourous picture with a competent caption. Obviously, when you get the other picture you are looking for, this mark will go up (I do not know where to find the kind of image you want, sorry). |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.2 | Your average score. |
| Final Score: | 31.1 | So all in all, this article requires quite a bit of work for it to be up to scratch. It certainly has the potential to be featured, but unfortunately, a long list full of red links and absurd sex jokes won't cut it. Change the focus of the article, format it into prose and get rid of the red links, and we may see it on VFH. Good luck! |
| Reviewer: | --Username18 KUN FP 02:06, May 4, 2011 (UTC) | |