Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Become An Hero (revised)
HowTo:Become An Hero [edit source]
I am resubmitting this article after editing it.--Dorkadorkreece 22:50, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
Dorkadorkreece 22:49, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5.5 | While it's kinda hard to make jokes about such a topic, you are succeeding a couple of times at making me laugh. The do's and don't are hilarious, as well as pretty much that whole paragraph. However, every time you mention Mitchell kinda cuts the jokes. I come from ED and that's the kind of article I didn't find funny (the Mitchell article on ED)(who would?). Also, the "an" is kinda funny at first, but it gets very annoying as the article progresses. Maybe limit yourself to using it only in the 1st paragraph? Other than that, the humor was not bad at all, but I think Step 1 and two could use a little more jokes or attempt at jokes and the list in step one could be shorter or replacing stuff like "your mum" by something funnier. |
| Concept: | 3 | Well, the concept of suicide isn't that fun at all, but a well-written article could make it fun. Your article is well written, but when you try to incorporate Mitcell Henderson in it, you are on the path to being offensive more than being funny. You however succeeded somewhat at making something a bit funny out of a horrible concept for someone trying to make a funny article, and not an offensive one. (Remember funniness is the Holy Grail here, nobody will like offensive articles) (Well I think) |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | From top to bottom it is very well written, I corrected a spelling mistake, the prose is very good and consistent. It is what saves the article and sets up the jokes. For the formatting, I think the pics are clogging the step 3 paragraph beginning. Also, the dos and don'ts in that paragraph could fit nicely in a table like the one in the hammer article. Just spork it if you like it. |
| Images: | 7 | The images are great! They all made me laugh except the last one (that Mitchell thing again! I just don't get what's funny about it). All of them had great, killer captions. The inversed gun is lulz. Maybe try using a little less pics who are already captioned? |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | I ate spaghetti tonight and it was good, albeit too spicy. WTF is this miscellaneous thing? lol I averaged you scores. |
| Final Score: | 28.5 | I hope it helped bro, I'd really like to read one of your article on another topic. The fact you made the article funny with such an unfunny topic shows you're good at this. Your writing is good and something tells me that like me you edited ED.
DISCLAIMER: All of the above is my own personal opinion and doesn't necessarily reflect the masses' opinion. So fuck'em. |
| Reviewer: |  Mattsnow 14:41, May 14, 2011 (UTC)
| |
Thanks a lot for the advice. The other reviewer didn't like the mention of Mitchell either, so I'm gonna revamp the article "Mitchell" wise and make it even less offensive. I don't know about the "an"s though, cause they're a major joke in my article, so I dunno about restricting them to one section. Are they really that annoying?
Ironically, I have never edited ED and in fact I despised it before its demise. My first article, Ratatouille, is a piece of crap in my opinion, but I'm currently writing another article called Hey Arnold!© and right now it's on my namespace. Thanks again for the help!--Dorkadorkreece 16:34, May 15, 2011 (UTC)