Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/First!!!!
First!!!![edit source]
Iwillkillyou333 02:16, 20 February 2009 (UTC)
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Tagstit doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes.
While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list. |
| Humour: | 3 | I feel nice for that too. I am going to assume a few things about this though and if I am wrong I am very sorry. First, I am guessing this is your first attempt at writing a full article. If so, I really do think you have started on a better foot than most others do. You had a concept, and stuck to it, and newer people hardly do that. But, still, there are still some things I can recommend in each category that I feel will greatly benefit this piece.
First…quotes. You see, quotes are quite annoying and rarely funny. Sometimes, rarely, and I mean VERY rarely, a quote here and there can start a shaky article on a light note, but four just looks messy. I know many articles start with quotes as long as the screen, but you can't give in. Four quotes is just too much. I suggest, if you really want to have a quote, just say FIRST QUOTE and say, 5up3r133t24 is who said it. That is quick, introduces your topic, and short so it will not make your article look bad. I STRONGLY recommend this. Second…this seems to me just a bash on those people. Articles that just bash a certain type of people can, at times, be funny, but often times just end up stupid and boring. Be creative! Creativity is the best way to find humor when it is hard to. Find other ways you could go with this and make it funnier! It might be hard to do with a concept like this but that'll be explained later. Third… and last, lists and FAQs are NOT funny. Lists will NEVER be featured nor will FAQS. They may seem funny at first because they throw out funny ideas really quick and in a row. You know, "BAM BAM BAM". And the people are crying laughing. But that RARELY happens. Most of the time they just turn out to be misses because they aren't explained enough, which is really quite tragic because some ideas in them could turn out to be really funny. By the way, PLEASE read HTBFANJS. It is very helpful. |
| Concept: | 4 | Bleh, there are many things wrong with this. I will keep this section as brief as I can. You obviously made this to bash these people, which is a very weak style of writing. For example, "
When a person does get first, he will say something like "omg i did it, this is the best day of my life", get a boner, and start jacking off," is only funny to Junior High kids. Bashing like this really ends up sounding immature. Another problem I had, was that this topic seems more like a side joke. What I mean by this, is that like, for example, in an article like Myspace or Youtube this would work perfectly as a little joke. When you try to stretch it into an entire article, much of its "magic" gets lost. I see where you are going with this idea, but it is SO limited in what it can do. I would consider trying for a different concept, one that is more broader and has many funny aspects you can delve into and expand. |
| Prose and formatting: | 3 | Weak. First, you REALLY need to just go through and read what you are writing before you really submit it here. I will keep this as short as I can but here are a few issues I had.
There are many more and this was just from a quick read through. Also, there is one paragraph section and you should change the FAQ and list into encyclopedic paragraphs. You should also make them longer with more paragraphs. |
| Images: | 2 | There was one little one, and it was pretty much what your quotes said. A good article has about 3 to 4 so I suggest adding a few. This wasn't funny nor random so it was just decent. I consider adding more definitely though. |
| Miscellaneous: | 3 | Averaged |
| Final Score: | 15 | That's about it. It is hard to write a concept on this and you bash more than you need to but other than that decent effort. Fix a few of your spelling errors and you will be alright. I do suggest reading How to Be Funny and Not Just Stupid (linked above) before writing anything else though. If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck! |
| Reviewer: | ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 05:29, 20 February 2009 (UTC) | |
Thanks for the review. ill start fixing up my article and repair any mispelling and add more pictures.