Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Dr. Tran

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Dr. Tran

I think i did an okay job bringing out the essence of the good doctor for my first article. Thanks in advance.

Elitesoulman 06:24, 4 March 2009 (UTC)

Tagstit   doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes. While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list.

Humour:	4	I am going to go ahead and give this higher than I really thought it should be. Keep in mind that I have never seen the show in which this is a reference to, but I did a small amount of reading before this to get an idea of what this was. Now, you may not appreciate my opinions since I do not understand this too well, but keep in mind that as important as it is to make those who understand laugh, it is important to make those who don't, laugh as well. So since most of your problems with humor fall into prose and concept, I will use the humor section to express my ideas on what you could do to reach a bigger crowd. First, you MUST introduce. You need to summarize the truth and raw facts in a quick short beginning paragraph (which you currently lack, check the prose section). This is important because instead of diving right into what you think is funny, you are telling those who are unaware what this guy really is. For example, say you didn't know about George W. Bush. Altough there is PLENTY of room for humor in that topic, none of it would be funny unless the article discusses the important aspects. For example, it would be important to know he is rated one of the worst presidents, the fact he helped the downfall of the economy, maybe a bit about his childhood, and his a picture to give people a picture. THEN you can satire him. So in conclusion, add a paragraph introducing the key parts of this character you find to be important for people to find your article humorous. Next, you need to go through and take out irrelevant stuff. I am aware that somethings may be true to the character, such as being hyper for example, "He drinks Mountain Dew 25 hours a day, 7 days a week. Therfore, he is constantly on the brink of a caffeine-and-sugar-induced coma. Using the energy from this perpetual sugar-high, he can scale small walls in a few minutes and contain anger for a few minutes longer than the average five-year-old." seemed a bit random, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it is relevant to the topic. If it is, add more in the beginning to explain this, if not, GET RID OF IT. Also, get rid of completely irrelevant things such as grues, and wiggers, assuming it isn't relevant. That's about it though.
Concept:	3	Well, I am not too fond of the concept itself. If you take a normal character, and try to write an entire article, it ends up being very similar, too similar to other articles on this site. There are countless ones on this site about normal characters, and saying they are gay or stupid or something. This sort of follows this too, which is old. This all may be very confusing because you just describe the character. You pretty much just write an encyclopedic article, and add in a few funny parts to it. You don't make any "takes" on it. I strongly suggest sticking to a theme, introducing it in the beginning and sticking to it. Although none come to mind at the moment on this particular topic, with a few minutes of thought, you could easily come up with one. Doing this would make this article fresh, and complete.
Prose and formatting:	4	I will keep this very brief because most of what I have to say here should be fixed before further interest in prose is pursued. I will list them here, despite the number 1 problem with this article... LISTS ARE BAD! That is the first rule here. Many articles are FILLED with lists and they make your article look really bad. Besides, it takes a REALLY good list in order for it to be funny, otherwise it is just stupid. I suggest all the lists you have be made into paragraph form for neatness and perfection. Quotes should be seldom used. You have about five quotes in here and none of them really are funny. I suggest getting rid of them all, but if you wanna keep one, maybe even two, it won't kill you. Make an intro. Your current intro is just a bunch of quotes. This not only fails in setting up your article, but it makes it ugly and begins the article off in a real unprofessional way. Read humor for more. Spellcheck. Just go through and you will find a few misspellings and gramatical errors. That is all I can find as far as prose.
Images:	5	Decent, nothing really wrong here. They aren't exactly funny, but they aren't random and help tell your story. All I can suggest is a little variety in the pictures, and make them a bit funnier. Either tat or add funnier captions. Either way.
Miscellaneous:	4	Averaged
Final Score:	20	Very good start and first article. DEFINITELY needs improvement, but your getting there. Just a bit of work and you will be sitting pretty. If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck!
Reviewer:	~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:17, 4 March 2009 (UTC)