Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Creation myth

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Creation myth

Thanks. --Black Flamingo 19:25, June 6, 2011 (UTC)

You're welcome. I should be done by the end of the year. I mean tomorrow. (talk) 19:55, 16 June 2011

Humour:	8.5	You might want to figure out a way to hide this article. We don't want any of those westboro baptists protesting the site and giving us free publicity. You've got the humor part of this article down pat. I really don't have anything to suggest for your article, but there are a lot of things that I'd like to say regarding the other sections so I'll keep this as short as I can. You definitely know what you're doing in this article and it's pretty clear what you're going for even from the outset. The only thing that I wanted to see was more in just about every section as well as the entire article itself. The intro is strangely devoid of jokes, which isn't killer as the rest of the article is hilarious, but it just seems a little off. I think that a bit of the humor in the sections is lost as the different voices that you use don't really seem all that different from each other and it takes a little bit to figure out that these are different voices and not just the same narrator speaking on different topics. Other than those couple things I can't really think of anything dealing with humor.
Concept:	8	You have your concept down, and like I said before it's obvious what you're going to be talking about during the body of the article, however, the execution seems a little bit off. Other than the fact that all of the sections are talking about the same thing they don't seem to be connected all that much. In other words, this article doesn't seem to have a set structure. I see a beginning then it suddenly transitions to the sections without much of an explanation, then it ends. The ending you have now isn't too bad, but it isn't an ending per se. It wouldn't seem so sudden and strange if there was more of a transition from the intro to the rest of the article. It could also help if you had more of a transition from less ridiculous tones/sections to more ridiculous. In my opinion Wicca should come after Buddhism as it's less ridiculous than the aliens and Olympians sections, as it is still being practiced and the content isn't as strange as in those other two sections. The atheism section is great where it is as it is the "intelligent" position that should get the last word, but you do an excellent job of making fun of the atheistic stance.
Prose and formatting:	7	There aren't many grammar confusions that I picked up on. The biggest one is the first sentence where it says "...found in nearly all religious beliefs and equal amount of scientific ones." I'm not sure if you wanted to say that it shows up in all scientific beliefs as well as all religious ones, but it's a very awkward way to say that, I think you should clarify that part at least a little bit. The only other thing I caught was in the genesis section where you say "God had good taste in universes and always His own hardest critic" I think you're missing a word somewhere there, so if you add that word in it should clear that up. The formatting is pretty good. The only thing that I think you should change is the spacing right at the bottom. On my screen the atheism picture pushes the "See Also" section title to the right which just highlights the amount of white space that section creates. It's ok to leave the section, but you might want to change up the pictures a bit so that that doesn't happen. If it's just my screen you shouldn't really worry about it too much. You don't have too many links in this article. That isn't too bad normally but I just noticed that there is a distinct lack of links in this article, it shouldn't be too hard to add a few more in. Maybe like 25% more. I want to again stress in this section that I think you need more transitions from the intro to the middle and from the sections to the end. The former is more important than the latter as you have at least a semi-transition to finish off the article.
Images:	7	I guess I'll go image by image. First: Although this image is a bit stylistic for my tastes it works, and the caption relates to the article which is always good. It's a bit small for where it is, but making it bigger isn't 100% necessary. Second: Good image. Funny caption. Perfect size. Great job. Third: I don't really get the metaphor, but I think that's the point. Good image, might be considered slightly overused as a ripple is used as a metaphor or simile or just about everything. Good size, good caption. Don't change anything unless you feel you need to. Four: I suppose this picture relates, but it kinda doesn't. It's very japanese but doesn't do a good job of showing the anime or creation side of the section, and it's pretty hard to see while reading the article. It also has that green box thing on it, weird. I would consider changing it, but that's up to you. I also think the caption is rather odd, but it sort of makes sense for a japanese themed section. Fifth: Good image, good size, good caption. Great. Sixth: Same as five. Seventh: It's kind of odd that it's a painting of a statue, but otherwise it's good and relevant. The caption is also odd, but it works. Good size, I would recommend maybe a picture that doesn't make me feel like I'm looking at one of those TV screens that gets off-color when they get old. Last two: Great. Don't change them.
Miscellaneous:	8	Overall "feel" of the article.
Final Score:	38.5	It's really good right now, but it needs a bit more work. I look forward to seeing it on VFH.
Reviewer:	(talk)