Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Copyright Shotgun (2nd Opinion)

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Copyright Shotgun

I didn't really like the first review, so i'd like a second opinion in-depth. PEEING is not required, though it is preferred. Saberwolf116 12:01, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Tagstit   doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes. While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list.

Humour:	5	Well since a simple thanks is hardly enough for the time you have spent going through and giving a solid review on an article of mine, I have decided to hop in and try to see if I can help any of your writing. I will go through this section by section, as that seems to be effective with articles like this. Intro: 6 Probably one of your strongest sections. It briefly summarizes what your article is going to be about in a humorous and unique way. It was very interesting to see you take such a different stance on the deletions of videos on youtube. Now, maybe this concept has been used before and I have just never heard of it, but to me, it was solid. There are only a few things I can suggest here. First, the links to Fox and Warner Brothers going to douchebags and assholes doesn't add any humor to the article. It breaks tone and it would be better without in my opinion. Also, you seem to concentrate too much on Family Guy and Futurama, when in reality this happens to all sorts of videos. I suggest you say, hunting down many different videos, such as Family Guy and Futurama to reflect this. Victims: 4 A bit weak. Your only victims are Family Guy and Futurama. To repeat myself, this happens to all sorts of videos, not just those. You definitely need to make sure that you address this. Talk about how videos clips from movies get hit and even some music videos. Along with this, there is a massive quote that is bigger than the paragraph above it. This looks extremely messy. I suggest you either just quote it normally in the paragraph, "like this," or get rid of it entirely. Methods: 7 Strongest for sure, yet still lacking. It is short, like the rest of the sections but has more room for potential. The metaphors you use (I think they are metaphors) really shine here because of the smooth comparison between this and a prey and predator situation. One of the best parts in this article is when it says it will occasionally just rip out its vocal chords. Find other methods of a video clips death to increase size and variety in your article. Resistance: 2 Going to be brief. It was too short. There is potential, but as it is now, there is only one full line and it looks horrible. Spread to other sites: 4 It seems like a necessary section but it is ulimately unfunny. You could improve this by keeping the comparison to a safari predator and prey situation strong. But get rid of Mordillo. We already see enough of him around the site we don't need to read about him in articles.
Concept:	8	I liked your comparison to predator and prey situations. Very strong. I do believe that this could be much stronger with a slightly better execution. Your concept sometimes gets muddled, and you should try to keep it more solid. Use the predator and prey situation in every paragraph in some form or another. Oh ya, by the way, I didn't get what happened at the end. It is an unenthusiastic What? Oh no... If you are implying that this article got stopped, first, it doesn't make sense, and second, it isn't energetic enough to portray this.
Prose and formatting:	4	For the sake of time, I will just list a few things. TOO SHORT! It is wayyyyy to short. It barely passes the Uncyclopedia side bar on my screen. Make it longer! Too many headers! There are way too many headers and it looks very ugly. One even only has two lines. Increase the size of the text in between the headers or get rid of them and combine sections. The pictures are pretty boring and badly placed. Get rid of the quote formatting in your first section Get rid of the picture at the end about Mordillo. It doesn't work or isn't formatted right.
Images:	4	Not too good at judging pictures, but these look pretty bad to me. They are boring and add nothing to it. First, the first one just is a shotgun, which is really boring. Consider photoshop or getting help to change it to like, a shotgun in tallgrass and a Peter Gryphon grazing in a field. Second, the long one make everything pretty messy, and isn't that funny. Finally, the last one just doesn't work.
Miscellaneous:	5	Averaged, sorta...
Final Score:	26	Alright thats it! You got a great concept behind you just increase the size and get rid of some of the crap and you will have a great article on your hands. As far as VFH, I would vote against right now, but a few improvements could easily improve this and shape it into VFH quality work. If you have any questions feel free to ask me on my talk page. Good luck!
Reviewer:	~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 22:50, 10 May 2009 (UTC)