Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Case for Euthanasia
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A Case for Euthanasia[edit source]
The Super pope 22:43, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
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Tagstit doesn't believe in new fancy-pancy toilet systems with running water and all. Just a hole in the ground with a lil' cover will do. Now gimme' your article and I'll be done in a few minutes.
While you are welcome to review this, I suggest you find another article in need of help so that we can clear the ever growing Pee Request list. |
Alright I am going to guess you mean UnScripts:A Case For Euthanasia since you have edited it and stuff, I will have this done in a bit. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:05, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | Alright, there are many things good with this. First of all, I may be assuming wrong, but I assume you are very new here and one thing I am majorly impressed with is for that the MAJORITY of the time you stayed away from being completely random and chaotic. The writing stuck to the topic and didn't get too wild. At the end though you did talk about elephants too much, and that got a bit too weird. It would be a good idea, especially for a topic like this, too keep everything possible. By this, I mean you should have everything that happens in the story, possible, and not some dad being a elephant or something. Besides that everything looks FAIRLY good and pretty easy to read. The part about the elephants and the tigers getting mixed up I thought was funny but overall, there isn't too much you can do with a topic like this. |
| Concept: | 5 | Well, not original but still, not run down to the ground. You can't expect to go TOO far with a topic like this and since it has been done before, it will be difficult to get going. It is not used so much that it isn't funny any more and there still is a bit of untapped potential left here. What I suggest is that you lengthen it out more and go into detail about different aspects of the old men. Find a better direction for your story line to follow and take it that way. Also, I don't think your article should be called A Case for Euthanasia, but A Case of Euthanasia, but maybe not, just wondering. A never clever title might be better as well. |
| Prose and formatting: | 2 | This is where you really got hurt. I think somewhere along the line you just gave up, or you do not understand what an Unscript actually is. If it is the first, shame on you, and if it is the latter, than I suggest reading up on some good Unscripts before actually writing one. To get you started, I found a few here you should read. UnScripts:Feel Good Sports Movie, UnScripts:Average Cop, and UnScripts:Dora the Explorer: The Movie. Notice yours lacks a plot overview, character setup, and other important aspects most of these popular Unscripts have. Another big thing is that there is only one scene. You need at least five to make it solid. Besides, your story needs a bit more direction and flow so adding some more scenes will be helpful. Finally, you only have one describing sentence. Or in other words, everything is dialouge except for the beginning. Describe what the characters are doing, how they are moving, and what emotions they are showing throughout the dialouge so the reader understands what is going on. For example The old man flinches, and for a second doesn't move, then remembers his thought, and continues. |
| Images: | 0 | There were none. Even Unscripts need pictures. This will not only better tell your story, but also may add a humorous value. Besides, it improves the look of the article. |
| Miscellaneous: | 3 | Averaged |
| Final Score: | 16 | Alright, you need to make this a bit longer, make it more like an Unscript, and get rid of a bit of the randomness and you will be set with VFH material, maybe. If you have any questions just ask me on my talk page. Good luck! |
| Reviewer: | ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 08:58, 31 January 2009 (UTC) | |