Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/ADD

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ADD

Happymonkey39 00:25, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

This is something i cooked up in a few hours, it tastes pretty good to me, but that's me of course, do you care to try some?...what did you say?...smells horrid?...o come on, just a bit...Eat it mister or ill shove a knife up your nose...there we go, here comes the train Choo choo...ok tell me when your done "chewing" and how it "tasted"...

Hehe like my food reference...no? Well screw you, its my win, you had to read it. --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 00:29, July 19, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not really hungry but i'll bite. I'll review this. Lordarcadian 01:44, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Humour:	6	*Over all I think there is a lot of potential here to kick it up a notch. And you have it in you. I havve read your talk page entries. make references to being effected by ADD. Why not make like it is passed by being sneezed on or bitten by an ADD sufferer. play it off as an infection. Quotes= was wondering how in the spirit of the Russian reversal, if "in soviet Russia.....hey butterfly look at me." would work Introduction = why so angry in the beginning. It isn't a symptom of ADD. this part lost me. no lost thoughts just anger. History = I liked this part, though i wonder if adding a couple more years to reference the laws wouldn't cement the believability. I didn't care for the second set of references. put it in a paragraph maybe? like " George Bush, a long time sufferer of the disorder, declared the disease to be nonexistent. This was one of many steps taken to spurn the harsh criticism from the democratic party. Dr. Reginald Van Willey renounced this claim however in 2009 saying " This affliction is real I have had it for...what are we talking about?" What to do = the entire section again escapes the theme. you are giving an ADD person steps to follow that he is following. part of ADD is inability to follow directions and complete tasks. there is however a lot of room to play on the fact the reader gets off track. 2 the flow is off. due to the face you smashed in previously......maybe? Dealing = several grammatical errors here. their not there the example of talking to an add person would be funnier if it was a complete sentance with random words added in. " I was talking to your mother the, vagina, other day she said, breasts, you got a new job at the factory." or something similar. The list isn't really needed here. 3 or four examples are ok but the joke dies out after too many.
Concept:	7	There is one here but the beginning puts it off for me.
Prose and formatting:	5	a lot of grammar problems i recognize but not my strongest suit either. I do like the sections layout though.
Images:	0	There are no images I can try to get a couple for you if you want.
Miscellaneous:	6	It got off track early and tried to recover a few times, but the ability is there. I suggest cheating. i like to look at the wiki version of a page. get a feel for the true subject then screw it all up. research the symptoms and play on them. also think about that whole bitten by an ADD sufferer thing. Like a vampire but instead of immortality you get ADD
Final Score:	24	It is my belief that this will be a great article you have the power to do it. i have no doubt.
Reviewer:	Lordarcadian 07:08, July 24, 2010 (UTC)