UnReviews:My Dinner
Hi. My name is Timmy and I am 10 years old; you may be asking yourself "what's a 10 year old like you doing on Uncyclopedia?", well I'm here to review what I ate last night and boy do I have something to say about my dinner.
The meal[edit | edit source]
Macaroni and Cheese[edit | edit source]
First off, let's start off with the first part of the meal, the macaroni and cheese. I have never tasted such pleasure in my life, it feels like heaven came down and knocked on my door. Looking at it closely, the texture is smooth but filled with flavor, every bit of your tastebuds experiencing a different feeling all at once when you take a bite of it and the cheese is gooey as it is flavor. I could definitely tell that my mom made this out of the finest cheeses available; she loves me like that, in fact she loves me so much that she even calls me cuddlebear. With every taste of the cheese, I could definitely feel a kick, perhaps a hint of white cheddar here and there and a bit of sharp cheddar on the side. I absolutely loved the macaroni and cheese my mom cooked me and I could not recommend it highly enough.
French Fries[edit | edit source]
Next up is the French fries. Each one of these is like a party in your mouth, you take a bite and you can literally taste the potatoes as they are baking themselves; my mom must really like me that much to make me French fries this fresh, I swear it's like she cut up the potatoes herself and baked them to perfection. I like to combine them with ketchup in order to provide a tangy flavor, the French fries by themselves are fine but when you combine them with ketchup than they feel like you've entered an entirely different world; a world of amazement and flavor. If I lived in a world entirely made out of these French fries and the fries were surrounded by ketchup then that would be paradise; I've read that some people like to dip their fries in mayonnaise but I find mayonnaise to be gross and totally deterrent to the purpose of the fries. This is the second best item for me, below the macaroni and cheese but ahead of everything else.
Broccoli[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately, every dinner has to have it's bad side and here it is; the broccoli. I mean look at it; this thing looks like a tree of some sort and have you seen anybody ever try to eat a tree? If they did, they wouldn't find it tasty because the taste would be really, really wooden, and I mean that in a bad way. When I put this thing into my mouth, I feel like I'm eating green and green is the color of throwup; my mother tries to get me to eat the broccoli that's on my plate and I always say no and more than often I end up having to eat the broccoli mainly because I'm supposed to have a clean plate. If I had things my way, there wouldn't be any broccoli, there would be just macaroni and cheese and candy and french fries. My mother says that people like Superman and Scooby Doo eat their broccoli but if I were those guys, would I eat something that tastes like throw up?
Asparagus[edit | edit source]
Okay, so this doesn't look like a tree but just because it doesn't look like a tree doesn't mean this should be considered edible. It looks like something a tree would have pooped out had it had the ability to talk and act like us. My mom gets pissed off whenever I spit out that stuff, I can't help myself, this tastes like I'm eating poop, poop with a hint of lemon in there. If I had a dog, I would just feed these vegetables to the dog; my mom says they're good for me right, maybe they'll be good for the dog as well and hey, it's not like he has any idea what he's eating. In fact one time, I saw a dog try to eat a squeaky toy; it was cute to see him try to eat that thing as if it were actual food, both my mom and me got good laughs out of that. Anyways, I don't understand how people could consider eating this, this is even worse than the broccoli preceding it.
Brussel sprouts[edit | edit source]
I absolutely hate this vegetable, it tastes like pee and poop combined. I literally have to prevent myself from gagging at the sight of them; not only that but when I'm forced to eat them I have to hold back the urge to throw up, even worse, I have to force myself to swallow this "vegetable" because it tastes so terrible. I try to tell my mom how much I hate this but she just said "no, you eat your vegetables and you're not getting up from that chair until you finish them all", why can't kids just be kids and eat whatever they want? I mean we're America's most valued resources right; why do they have to force us to be little adults? We should stand up for rights, we should be able to eat macaroni and cheese and French fries whenever we want; we shouldn't be forced to eat brussel sprouts or broccoli or asparagus. In fact, I say we call a revolution now; the kids shall rise up, we shall not be silenced damnit!
The presentation[edit | edit source]
The presentation of the meal is good. Everything was setup in it's proper order; I could tell which was the mac and cheese, which was the french fries and which was the dreadful vegetables. I swear my mom makes the best meals. In fact one time, she told me that my father was no good, that he couldn't make meals for beans; she then told me about how my father is a dirty slut and how I meant a lot to her in this world. I don't know why she would do that but I definitely like what my mother tells me and I like her meals except for the vegetable parts.
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
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I mean, it's alright
I have to say, it was a pretty good meal; it was cooked all the way to perfection and the tastes I've experienced are like harmony, something I will never forget in my lifetime. The vegetables were nasty though and you couldn't get me to eat them even if you bribed me with a trip to Universal Orlando Resort. 2/3rds of the meal was good but since the other portion of it was bad, it just makes it a pretty bad dinner overall.
