UnNews:Yoda wins "Ugliest Dog Contest"

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27 June 2007

Yoda, disguised as “Elwood“

A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY - Yoda, the master Jedi knight, who has been out of work since the last Star Wars movie, won this year’s World’s Ugliest Dog Contest. Believed to have become “tired of babysitting Jar Jar Binks,” the notorious juvenile racist Gungan, who caused trouble for George Lucas by “dissing” blacks, whom he represented as being servile and sycophantic, and Italians, whom he characterized as being immoral criminals, Yoda is thought to have entered the contest both to have something to do to occupy his “leisure” time and to keep himself in the public eye, according to Han Solo.

Yoda had to travel “too many light-years,” he said, to participate in the contest, which was held in Petaluma, California, The Land of Nuts and Fruits. To avoid “being a blip on the imperial radar screen,” he entered the contest as “Elwood,” describing himself on the entry form as a “Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix.”

Lucas, alerted of Yoda’s actions, dissociated himself with the Jedi master’s antics, fearing a backlash from the Asian and Hispanic communities. “I learned my lesson,” the producer said, “after the negative criticism I received from Jar Jar Binx’s politically incorrect portrayals of the blacks and Italians. I don’t need any guff grief from the Oriental--I mean, the Asian--population. I mean, there are a couple billion of them, and only one of me.”

In disguising himself as “Elwood,” Yoda added a Mohawk-like tuft to his head, which, Lucas fears, may “annoy our American Indian--I mean, our native American--friends.”

Karen Quigley, a resident of Sewer, New Jersey, adopted “Elwood” from the local dog pound, after learning that he was scheduled to be “euthanized” in a few days. She was unaware that the “dog” was really the Jedi master in disguise, and, she said, “He’s so ugly, he’s cute, like that frog-creature, Yodel, on Star Bores, or whatever that Steven Spielberg movie’s called--the one with Harrison Ford as Luke Skywriter.”

“She may not know her Star Wars characters,” Solo said, “but she obviously knows what she likes.”

Next year, Yoda is thinking of entering Jar Jar in the World’s Ugliest Lizard Contest, which is held each winter on Uranus.

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• Lotta Lies "We always thought Yoda was ugly, too." Instant News, 33 seconds ago