UnNews:Wikipedia now hosting child pornography
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8 December 2008
The Internets, Everywhere. Popular online encyclopedia Wikipedia, most commonly known for being a cheap rip-off of Uncyclopedia without humour, has decided to boost falling viewing figures by hosting child pornography. This controversial move was proposed by Wikipedia founder and convicted pederast Jimbo Wales, after Alexa statistics showed the site's traffic at an all-time low of seven hits per day.
Most Wikipedia editors have welcomed the move, and the bold new direction that this takes the site in. One anonymous source, known only as David Gerard said: "This is a triumph both for Wikipedia and for trans-generational love. It's also educational, as many Wikipedia editors have never actually seen a naked lady before."
However, not everybody is as enthusiastic. Repressive censorship advocates, the Interfering Wankers Foundation have condemned the move, adding Wikipedia to their list of "Sick sites full o' them filthy peedo-files" and causing many ISP's to shit themselves in fear of the party van pulling up outside their offices. A spokesman for the IWF, sweating profusely from his hairy palms, issued the following statement earlier this morning:
"We at the IWF regard it as our god-given duty to make decisions for other people about what they should or should not view, and, having studied this image extensively in a bathroom cubicle for a good fifteen minutes with a pot of vaseline and a roll of toilet paper, have decided that the general public are too stupid to be able to make their own decision about what constitutes pornography. Therefore, we have added Wikipedia to our list of sites that only we are allowed to frantically punish our throbbing members to, and have recommended to all UK internet service providers that they supply the full details of any person found to have visited Wikipedia in the past three years to the police."
When questioned as to whether the IWF would be taking similar action against other sites hosting the image, such as Amazon or ebay, the spokeperson responded:
"Yes. In fact, we are currently in the process of buying all available copies of the album in question in order to protect the general public from this seemingly harmless but actually FILTHY DEPRAVED VILE AND SICK image. We intend to use them to wallpaper the gents toilet at the IWF headquarters."
Spandex-clad German rock merchants The Scorpions, creators of the original image, were unavailable for comment; however, members of popular internet child porn exchange 4chan welcomed the move, saying "Anything that distracts attention from us is a good thing".
Sources[edit | edit source]
- BBC News "Wikipedia or Wiki-pedo-a?" Virgin Killer, December 08, 2008
- Wikinews "Let's all fap to CP!" Jimbo Wales, December 08, 2008