UnNews:What Jay Z said to Solange
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
15 May 2014
UnNews has exclusively learned what caused the physical fight between Jay Z and his sister-in-law Solange Knowles.
The internet was rife with rumours when respected news outlet TMZ published a silent security video of the fight, in which a heavy-set security guard restrained Solange while her self-style "independent woman" sister stood by, curiously passive.
Many speculated that it was evidence that Jay Z mistreats or perhaps cheats on his wife, while others preferred the theory that Solange was simply a volatile woman with a drink/drug problem.
However, we secured an interview with the bodyguard himself, Lucious Johnson, who told us, "It was all about James Joyce."
The 220lb former college footballer went on, "Both of them have been reading Ulysses recently, and both are pretty active members in an online book club. Things started to get prickly between them when Jay Z made a brusque comment online about some of Solange's analysis.
"She mentioned this as she got into the elevator, and he told her, 'You have, at best, a twelfth-grader's understanding of James Joyce.' That was when it all went crazy."
At first, Jackson says, the response was just verbal, but then things escalated. "The thing is, at first Solange used to pronounce Ulysses wrong - she said it so the first syllable rhymed with Scully - and Jay Z sometimes pronounces it like that to tease her.
"So she was saying he didn't know motherfucking shit about shit, and he just kept saying ULLA-seaz, ULLA-seez, and Solange just totally lost it.
"She's very sensitive about pronunciation issues, because she still isn't 100% sure how to pronounce her own name.
"I am absolutely dreading the summer - they are supposed to be attending a literary festival in France celebrating À la recherche du temps perdu."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Jay Z physically attacked by Beyonce's sister" TMZ, May 15, 2014