UnNews:Washington D.C. stink-bombed by Jihads and Neo-Nazis
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
1 May 2024
WASHINGTON D.C., United States -- On 11:55 AM yesterday, seven terrorists planted stink bombs across Washington D.C with the intent to detonate them. Minutes after leaving the scene, all of the bombs detonated, causing an unpleasant stench to settle across the city. Federal officials have identified the people who planted the bombs as members of a joint-owned terrorist group named the Offensive Swatiska and Jihad Coalition (OSJC). As of today, only three of the terrorists were apprehended, with the other four remaining missing. Local police have stated that you should report anyone who wears a Muslim cloak or with Nazi memorabilia strewn about to them.
The effects of the bombings have been severe. Local gardener Abgail Fluvi stated that "I left Pittsburgh because of the smell. I never expected it to find it here...My plants have wilted...due to the horrendous stench polluting it." She runs a flower shop, which will go out of business if the stench is not removed soon.
Sadly, local officials have stated that the stench is so extreme, it will take weeks for the air to return. However, some people have tried to convert the air into artificial freshener, but the process required for that needs labor which thanks to activists, are now illegal. However, local businessman Sam Fukdis has stated that he was seeking to patent his air freshener, which will fix the problem while pleasing the activists.
The OSJC is still active, with an FBI raid last month revealing that they were planning more stink attacks throughout the East Coast. The organization is highly self-reliant, manufacturing its weapons using garbage, which means that federal agents can't track their purchases. Additionally, the group has announced on their official TikTok that they were seeking to become a religion like Scientology, further complicating the process of causing them to dissolve. When asked to respond by our correspondent, the Federal government and the OSJC refused to comment.