UnNews:UnNews Chief entraps popular news-reader

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18 May 2010

UnNews Column: Chief entraps popular news-reader

Extinct Scorpion-Fish-Bear was the common ancestor of both Belching and Whining Hyenas.

Members of the audience may be, or may have been, in jobs in which they enjoyed less than the total support of Management. This reporter recently found the following proposal from the Chief in his in-box:

“ This morning the thought struck me, that it might be amusing and productive to get a flame war going, one side advocating strictly reality-based UnNews, the other pushing a Bat Fuck, completely off-the-wall agenda. We could fix the fight in favor of the real-seeming news, with the Bat Fuck side slowly devolving into stupid insults and rants, or something like that. Of course, the idea is to elevate the UnNews profile and inspire new articles from new contributors. Your thoughts, please? Cheers! ”

My thoughts....Let me get this straight! I am to initiate a flame war, to manufacture internal drama just in case Mordillo thinks we don't have enough of the authentic variety. I am to defend the simple notion that UnNews should be based on news and read like news, and should take slings and arrows from every Attention Whore who is using UnNews simply to get a lot of people to read their latest "wackey" thought, instigated by you, claiming you will let my side win, when we know for a fact you believe UnNews should reflect nothing but what you most recently pulled out of a bodily orifice! And when your instigation is laid bare, you'll simply claim it was to boost traffic to UnNews, as though you were doing gonzo advertising with a Lite-Brite®? This is treachery, pure and simple! Who are you going to get to read the news when they run me out of town on a rail?!