UnNews:U.S. once again an English colony
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
15 November 2014
Due to the inability of the US Government to carry out basic functions like funding itself, paying off its debts, and leaving cleared-and-signed-into-law-for-fucks-sake bills alone, in a gesture of goodwill towards its fellow ally, the Great nation of Britain has taken control of the United States of America.
The Queen's Navy reached the Northern American nation by sea on Thursday, accompanied by the Royal Air Force, just in case there were any complications. The Naval boats unloaded the Royal Troopers which made their way to the Capitol, without incident.
The troops then marched into the White House, where former President Barack Obama was heard yelling "I'll fucking kill you!" to former Congressman John Boehner, before their ensuing fistfight. Both parties were forced away from each other by the troops, and they were told to inform the public of the country's reintegration into the British Kingdom.
Wisely deciding against making the old "I thought we were friends!" speech, former President Obama quietly went off to write his concession speech, which would announce the scrapping of the United Sates Constitution, the complete and unconditional submission of the State to the British monarchy, and a permanent all-access pass to all Dodgers games for Prince William.
Though the announcement did result in an expected public outcry, the Queen's Army was more than sufficiently equipped to contain it. An interim government is currently being established, while Queen Elizabeth considers the candidates who wish to go on to administer the colony on a more permanent basis, on her behalf, in the future.