UnNews:U.S. begins purge of liberal professors

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6 September 2006

Despite the fact that several of his best friends are black, President Bush today authorized an overturning of Brown v. Board of Education.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- United Statesian President George W. Bush has called for liberal and secular university lecturers to be removed. He told a group of Bob Jones University students that they should organize campaigns to demand that the liberal teachers be sacked.

Mr. Bush said it was difficult to alter liberal, secular, and democratic influences that had been in place since the penning of the "naive" Constitution in 1787, but added that such a change had begun. The move echoes campaigns of the Reagan Cabal, when hundreds of liberal university teachers and students were sacked and the president tried to reinstate segregation.

"A student must yell against liberal thoughts and the liberal economy," UnNews reported Mr. Bush as saying. "A student must ask why a liberal teacher gives low marks to a student that does not have the same ideas as him."

Last year, a Conservative Nutjob was appointed to run Harvard College, sparking protests by students. Earlier this year, dozens of liberal professors and teachers were retired, but UnNews's Ayatollah Gurkhmeini in Tehran says many have found new jobs with institutions run by people linked to the president's political opponents. It is unknown what the Department of Homeland Security intends to do to these professors, but insiders foresee professors disappearing from campuses nationwide and "enemy combatants" clad in blazers and scarves being detained at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay several weeks later.