UnNews:U.S. State Department criticizes religious discrimination in Uzbekistan; we're not shitting you

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13 November 2006

The U.S. State Department, voting on whether Uzbekistan respects religious freedom

WASHINGTON, DC-- The U.S. State Department on Monday announced it was adding Uzbekistan to its list of religious freedom violators alongside the states of Iran, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, Seattle, Utah, California, Gamma Hromi II in the Hromi Cluster and other such non-Jewish or Southern Baptist states.

The State Department's Ambassador at Large for International Religious Freedom said, "Muslims have long borne the brunt of the government of Uzbekistan's harsh repression. The government continues to target observant Muslims for arrest, often considering conservative Islamic practice to be evidence of extremism and terrorism."[1]

State Department chairman Mitch Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff explained that in Uzbekistan, along with other locations on their list, school-children are often forced to pray to the pagan god of the national religion. "That's just unacceptable," he said. "Some of these so-called 'Gods' have eight arms and an elephant nose. Can you believe that? That doesn't resemble even the loosest interpretation of the Bible."

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said that the president fully endorses the decision. "The President," he said, "does not condone a government imprisoning members of a particular religion simply because they suspect they're up to no good. Haven't they heard of hababseus cordless-- I mean, coarsest, er, whatever?"

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  1. Actual quote, I shit you not.