UnNews:Twitter suspends Palmer Report, other Trump critics

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THE MANAGEMENT

Monday, May 28, 2018

Twitter suspended journalist Bill Palmer's @PalmerReport account on May 27, 2018, intended for seven days. All content would still be visible, but it would have simply appeared as though Palmer took a weeklong hiatus. @PalmerReport was fully reinstated May 28, 2018.

Following a federal judge's ruling that Donald Trump, being an elected official (never mind an illegitimate one), cannot block people on social media, Twitter has decided to suspend the accounts of anyone who tweets anything that could even remotely be construed as being critical of the Great Orange God. Even worse, one of those affected accounts happens to be that of independent political news outlet Palmer Report. Over the past two years, it has become clear to me that Bill Palmer, head honcho of the Report, is a legitimate journalist. This is the equivalent of Twitter suspending Woodword and Bernstein had such a thing existed during Watergate.

I have a love-hate relationship with these kind of UnNews articles. While it's important to get the truth out there for the whole world to see, and expose Trump as the criminal that he is, the subject matter forces me to abandon almost all humor and tomfoolery, which is the whole point of Uncyclopedia (and UnNews) in the first place. But then, in the case of Trump, the jokes write themselves. Trump is his own joke... and not a very funny one.

Anyway, back to this Twitter suspension thing. What the fuck happened to the First Amendment? This is America. Not North Korea. Not China. Hell, not even Russia (though I'd forgive you for thinking otherwise). Next, we're gonna be banning letters of the alphabet! Who's next on Shitter's hit list? The Washington Post, the pioneers of such political journalism? The "Failing" New York Times? "Fake News" CNN? "Crooked" Hillary? Since Trump probably can't spell "Clinton," he'd probably have Hilary Duff suspended instead. Or George Clinton.

Luckily, I'm not on Twitter (though I visit daily to see if the world has become sane again, and to see whether people heard "Yanny" or "Laurel"), so His Royal Majesty can't come after me. Nanny-nanny-nanny.

@PalmerReport has been suspended for seven days. But if you visit right now, the page will look as though it's still active. The account is essentially freeze-suspended. When @PalmerReport gets out of Twitter jail, it will look like Bill Palmer took a weeklong hiatus. If you already follow him, it may appear as though @PalmerReport blocked you. Bill Palmer no longer has control of his professional account. In the meantime, Palmer will be using his personal @BillPalmer account to give you the latest political updates. And as always, he will continue exposing these crooks on his official Palmer Report website.

Bill Palmer (and his team of 50+ contributors) does a better job of it than I do. Fuck, I can't even keep up anymore. A rigged election. Russians. Oligarchs. Money laundering. Treason. Porn stars. Hush money. Revolving doors. Indictments. Porn stars. Did I mention porn stars?

Welcome to Trump's America. Buckle up.

Update[edit | edit source]

Monday, May 28, 2018

As of May 28, 2018 at 3:45 pm (Anyone know what time zone Twitter uses?), Twitter has reinstated @PalmerReport and has apologized for the mistake. Nevertheless, Mr. Palmer's suspension sets a dangerous precedent. Twitter can't just go silencing journalists. We need somebody to stand up for the truth. Everyone here at UnNews stands by the First Amendment. Because we're all a bunch of gun-toting wackos who don't want to be incriminated.