UnNews:Trump sues Coronavirus for infection fraud

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Friday, December 18, 2020
WASHINGTON, US -- Our Dear Leader, the Sun of American Capitalism and Idiocy, Generalissimo Donald Trump, has launched a legal battle against coronavirus for infection fraud.

He accused coronavirus, meant to be 'fair and impartial' in infection, of unfairly infecting and killing more anti-maskers like him than sensible social-distancing citizens. He claims that these infections are 'invalid' and should not be counted in the case totals. Frothing at the mouth with anger (or is it rabies?), Trump screamed to his supporters: 'Coronavirus tried to assassinate me in October! Assassination!' before wandering off to discuss how Vegemite sucks. According to Trump, this happened in 51 out of 50 states of the USA.

Political analyists say that Trump is trying to gain one more term of life by sueing coronavirus and winning the infection. However, many predict that coronavirus will still win and successfully infect Trump. Regardless, Trump has vowed to run for life again in 2024, even if he has to do so from a graveyard.

Trump has still not conceded to the coronavirus, insisting that he won over it even as it causes thousands of deaths every day.

President-elect Joe Biden, when interviewed, replied, 'Will you just shut up, man!'. US election officials have said, 'You know, if Trump had taken biology during high school, he would know that viruses aren't actually living things. Sueing it would be like sueing a rock because you tripped over it.' Coronavirus did not appear in court (fortunately) and was acquitted immediately.

As of the time of writing, coronavirus has declined requests for comment.