UnNews:Shit stain to force man to use toilet brush
Monday, March 7, 2016
A shit stain is resisting a man's non-physical attempts to get rid of it and is forcing him to use a toilet brush, it has emerged.
Brian Hayden, 26, left the stain this morning, and has since tried all the standard techniques to get shot of it. He told UnNews: "First I tried the traditional method, peeing at it every chance I got.
"Then it was just like, flush, flush, flush. I flushed after every pee, every time I threw away some tissue, like 8 or 9 times this morning alone.
"Finally I went for the thinking man's option - I reached my shower head over and aimed it, on the power-shower mode. Still nothing.
"If it was just me living here, I would have kept going with those techniques and had a war of attrition for a few days," Hayden reflected, "but my girlfriend is coming home in an hour."
Hayden, at this point understandably hysterical and crying, telephoned police, who attended the scene, but classed the crisis as a "domestic disturbance", adding they preferred "not to stick their noses in".
The computer programmer, who works from home, began to broadcast from the scene on Periscope (not to be confused with a Swedish Periscope) and up to a dozen viewers watched him beseech the stain, begging it to "join its buddies at the seaside".
Unemployed Periscope viewer Joanna Corey remarked that Hayden "stalked around the bathroom before uneasily taking the brush out of its holder - with a look on his face somewhat like Brad Pitt's at the end of Seven."
At the time of going to press, Hayden was peering into the holder as though trying to ascertain if the liquid inside was bleach or something revolting, and hesitatingly edging his hand closer to the bowl.
Source[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Romney to continue his attack on Trump on Sunday" USA Today, March 7, 2016
