UnNews:Sex clowns popular at adult parties

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

4 January 2007

Sex it up at your next party with Sex Clowns

Salina, KS - In this Midwestern city, located a hop, skip, and a jump from Fort Riley, entrepreneur Kate Howell has her clients--party hosts and hostesses, for the most part--howling with laughter at the antics and shenanigans of her Sex Clowns.

For $150 per hour, the clowns will attend a birthday party, a bachelor’s or bachelorette’s party, a wedding reception, or even a bar mitzvah or a bat mitzvah, regaling guests with their sexy buffoonery.

Their costumes and makeup include some of the typical features of clown dress, such as bulbous red noses and oversize shoes, but, in addition, they are apt to incorporate pendulous breasts, enormous phalli, and other sexual accoutrements. Sex Clowns also come “fully equipped,” Howell says, “with appropriate--and inappropriate--props,” among which are a host of novelty items. These items are used in skits before being distributed as door prizes or party favors. “They’re very popular with males and females and those in between, as well as young, middle-age, and young people.”

Many Sex Clowns have worked in carnivals or circuses. Some have attended clown colleges. Those who have talent but little or no training and experience are instructed in the finer points of buffoonery by veteran fools and comedians, Howell said, and by watching such classic performers as Milton Berle, Jack Benny, and Red Skelton.

Sex Clowns, Inc., pays a staff or comedy writers to write and steal sex-oriented one-liners, which the Sex Clowns use at the parties. “Unless the guests are giggling and guffawing, we’re not doing our jobs,” Howell reminds her clowns. She personally sits in on their rehearsals before dispatching her employees on their way to make merry. “If they can’t get a chuckle out of me, they’re not going,” she said. “I’ll send someone else or even cancel an engagement if I must, rather than send someone out who’s not funny.” To date, this has never happened, she adds.

Some of the Sex Clowns’ jokes are older than their combined age, but their guests still laugh at the old chestnuts, mostly because of the clowns’ technique. “The humor of a joke is mostly in the delivery,” Howell confides, “and the timing.”

“There’s a joke to offend anyone,” Sex Clown Kimberly Griffith jokes, rattling off several that she has used numerous times, always successfully:

"What's the difference between medium and rare? Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare."

"Four words that destroy a man’s ego: Is it in yet?"

"At work, one woman landed a $10 million contract, a second landed a $5 million contract, and a third landed a $1 million contract. Which got a promotion? The one with the biggest breasts!"

Sex Clowns, Inc. offers discounts on certain holidays, such as Christmas, Easter, and Mother’s Day, but rates increase on New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day. “Call to check the cost,” Howell advises.

Source

• Lotta Lies "What’s a party without a Sex Clown?" Clowning Around, January 4, 2007