UnNews:Seagull in court on robbery and terrorism charges
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
27 November 2007
ABERDEEN, Scotland -- A British seagull who is accused of stealing crisps on countless occasions has appeared in court.
The 3-year-old seagull nicknamed Sam, who was arrested in the Castlegate area of Aberdeen, Scotland on Monday, was given bail after a hearing at Aberdeen Sheriff Court, although he was arrested later and taken to the city's Craiginches Prison after he was deemed too much of a risk to the public.
It is alleged he had stolen countless packets of crisps from an open newsagent on the city’s Union Street. If convicted, Sam the Seagull will not only be the first ever bird to be charged with shoplifting, but also under strict, new anti-terrorism acts. Numerous witnesses, one of which filmed a YouTube video originally caught the seagull entering an RS McColl newsagent and stealing cheesy flavoured Doritos. It was then revealed that a month or two after, he moved onto removing various other items which include cigarettes, hairspray and some other chemical substances.
Sam has since been interrogated by Grampian Police who after a poor response, believe that the chemicals within the cheesy Dorito crisps were to be used in conjunction with other stolen goods to make a bomb.
“I thought he just liked the taste of the orange ones” said shop assistant Philip McCall who reported the seagull to our UnNews correspondent. "I was scared to say anything to the police as he game me 'the look' every time he came in It is unclear whether or not it is the same bird coming into the shop or if it is a gang of shoplifting seagulls, although residents are fearful of the latter.
Undercover police followed Sam back to his nesting ground at about 19:45 on the Monday evening where he was promptly arrested. They also uncovered several sharp metallic objects which had been collected over time. The Head of Grampian Police issued a statement saying “the Seagull has at last been caught in possession of numerous chemical substances and metallic objects which are believed to have been intended for use as shrapnel. Intelligence informs us that it was his intention to use this to build a car bomb underneath a parked car in the city centre.”
CCTV footage has also recorded the seagull in question stealing from homeless beggars on the city’s Belmont Street, close to the newsagent where the crisps were originally stolen from. It remains unclear whether the stolen coins were to be used as shrapnel or whether it has been collected to fund other materials for a terrorist attack in the city.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Grand Mariner "Seagull becomes crisp shoplifter" BBC, July 20, 2007
- Montgomery Caber-Toss "Shoplifting Seagull" YouTube, July 20, 2007