UnNews:Science and Christianity now in accord

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

30 May 2006

Caught on high-speed film, a pastry turns into Mother Theresa.

DEER ANUS, VIRGINIA, US -- Scientists and theologians working at the Southern Baptist Theological Institute's high-speed particle collider facility announced today the proof that images of religious figures can in fact materialize from nothing. The "lunatic fringe" of the scientific community has long held that pareidolia, or seeing visions of Jesus, Mary, or other religious icons in random backgrounds, such as clouds, a grilled cheese sandwich, or a window with a leaky gasket, is based in illusion. God shows, it ain't so.

By bombarding a target composed of a smallish cinammon roll with nucleii of Jesussium, stripped of electrons, an image of Mother Theresa was produced and captured on special, sciency film stuff. Said Dr. Deacon Incisor du Frommage, "This is the beginning of a great age for mankind. I am confident that further experimentation will bear out the fact that God exists, Jesus died for our sins, and Mary was virginal."

The Venerable Sashi "Joe" Isuzu, primate of the Koto Zen School in Kyoto, Japan, had this to say, "If you listen to enough Steely Dan, it all becomes clear." No one seems to know what the hell that means.

James Randi believes in "facts". He's clearly insane.

So-called rational types hold that pereidolia is a psychological phenomenon based in religious conviction and emotional excess. James Randi, hated debunker of the paranormal, was quoted as saying, "Well, I'll be damned! I'm a believer now!"

The pseudo-scientific "religion" of Yoism has released a statement summarizing their view on the discovery:

“Pareidolia is the process by which people find familiar images in random scenes. Faces are the most common form of pareidolia. And, yes, this is the process by which "miracles" happen when people think they found the Virgin Mary or Jesus in the bark of a tree, a piece of toast, or shadows and lights reflected off the side of a building.”

~ Yoism on a definition of Pareidolia

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.”

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe on Religion

• Source: [[1]]

Sources

• The Hunchback of Notre Dame "What is Yoism?" The Weekly Dead Cat, May 30, 2006