UnNews:Scale Everest: Now’s your chance!
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
KATHMANDU, Nepal -- At Camp 3 of Everest, at an altitude of 7,200 meters, an American woman, 50-year-old Cleo Weidlich, sits in a solitary tent - Frozen solid! Outside, fierce winds of more than 60 knots are raging. It is 90 below zero. She waits, and waits, one amongst the many victims of the mountain’s homicidal slopes. And she will remain on the mountain forever, or until someone feels like carrying a stiff down the slippery cliffs.
For Cleo, it started when she began her doomed ascent, Weidlich not only had to find a gap in the weather, but also a gap in the mountain itself, which she did manage. But now she has to live down the growing controversies that have erupted around her subsequent demise on Everest.
But her death was not the only distraction. This season also faced one of the single greatest climbing calamities the world's highest mountain has ever witnessed, i.e., the cancellation of Justin Bieber’s “Top of the World” concert, which was to be held on the summit. More than 30,000 concert-goers and international climbers abandoned their goal of reaching the mountain's top after the concert was cancelled.
The immediate aftermath of the cancellation brought confusion and anger to the mountain people's “Radical-Liberal-Democratic-Maoist-Collectivist Prachandocracy” AKA Nepal, as arguments raged over whether climbing should continue, the money paid to Sherpas and compensation for the sacrifices made, all as a result of Bieber’s getting cold feet, combined with the demise of Cleo Weidlich.
But don’t let sappy stories like this put a damper on your spirit. The world’s highest point is just waiting to be conquered by you. Now is, perhaps, your last chance to reach the summit in 2014.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Repeater "An empty Everest: But should you climb?" TMZ, July. 02, 2014