UnNews:Royal Navy's New "Boat" Passes The Test
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
15 August 2007
A WARSHIP billed as the world's most advanced destroyer has finished its first test run on the open "sea". HMS Daring is the first in a batch of six destroyers ordered by the Royal Navy has now completed a month of sea trials and arrived at the town of Largs on Scotland's west coast.
The £299.99 ship, constructed in Glasgow and Portsmouth, slipped her moorings and sailed down the Clyde from Scotstoun shipyard on July 18. Over the last month, the ship has been put through challenging tests in tough conditions.
This included going to a firing range on the island of Benbecula in the Western Isles to try out her array of cannons, which can be fired "in excess of one hundred feet!" and can "knock a branch clean off a palm tree!"
"It is early days in her life, but Daring has already lived up to the high standards that we have set for her," said Commander David Shitts, "we have only had three incidents of rickets and we still have plenty of rum left!".
Daring can go from zero to her top speed of seven knots in "a little over two hours", and can come to a standstill from this high speed "in five-and-a-half days", builder BAE Systems said, "as long as the wind is on her side that is.".
Her "advanced" stealth technology also provides extra protection. When the ship is picked up on radar it appears as small as a fishing boat. The main reason for this is that HMS Daring is "the size of a fishing boat."
"I think those bloody French will be quaking in their boots when they see THIS baby!", an unnamed drunken sailor proclaimed brashly, yesterday.
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- me hearties! "pirates!" LAND AHOY!, August 15, 2007