UnNews:Queen is furious with Phillip's bride
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
25 May 2008
A leading British newspaper reported the Queen of England is absolutely furious that photographs of the monarch’s eldest grandson, Peter Phillips, and his bride, a Canadian, were published in Playboy Magazine. The images, featured under the magazine’s “loving couples” section not only shows the pair exchanging vows in St. George’s Chapel, but also having coitus during their first night together as man and wife.
"Now is the Autumn of my discontent," Queen Elizabeth was rumored to have said when she was told of the deal.
Peter Phillips, married Canadian Autumn Kelly in the May 17, 2008 ceremony. Notables attending the ceremony included Prince Phillip, Prince Charles and wife Camilla, Prince Harry and his girl friend Ruby Tuesday. And of course his parents Princess Ann and Mark Phillips were there as well.
Another reliable source inside Windsor Castle stated that "Prince Charles’ wife, Camilla, has been dutifully at the Queen’s side, night and day providing support."
The same spokesperson said that the Queen is placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of the “Canadian Whore”. "Camilla saw this coming and warned the Queen about this this woman. But thats water under the bridge and Camilla has risen to the occassion and demostrated that, now that she is no longer on the bottom rung of blame in British royal circles. She is a true asset to the royal family."
Even though the photographer used a tasteful Vaseline smeared lens to give the images a dreamy quality, the Queen, according to spokesperson Miles Rutherford, “is outraged that she was not consulted on the matter.”
“Had the couple enquired in advanced, Her Majesty would have camouflaged herself better in the shadows and would have extinguished her telltale glowing tip of the cigarette she smokes while reviewing their love making as is her right as Queen. This duty falls under Her Majesty's right to review the troops while they drill."
Royal watchers are quick to point out that Autumn, is a season, not the first name of a child brought up in a proper family.
"The British public would expect the Queen to rise above being pictured in the pages of Playboy Magazine. She is the Queen, not a footballer's wife," the Telegraph quoted Labour MP Ian Gibson as saying.
“Autumn Phillips name could have gone into the gilded Book of Windsor as a woman of fine moral fiber who helped to British monarchy over come some of its recent issues of decorum. Alas,” siad Gibson, “her name has taken the term commoner, to a new low level.”
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Playboy "Autumn and Mark prove their love" playboy.com, May 25, 2008
- The Daily Mail "Canadian harlot upsets our kind and gentile monarch" Daily Mail, May 25, 2008