UnNews:Poster of Britney Spears getting boned okay for Tokyo subway

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

28 August 2006

Britney Spears is female and has a vagina approximately where indicated

TOKYO, Japan (Routers) - Tokyo's subway allowed a publisher to display posters of Britney Spears getting totally boned Monday, overturning a decision to cover up part of the image for being "too stimulating" for young people.

The picture of the pop singer -- taking it in the cooter in more or less a missionary position except for one leg up high -- appeared in the August issue of Celeb Sex Squirt in the United States and will be on the cover of the magazine's Japanese edition for October.

Tokyo Metro and the publishers had initially agreed to display a censored version of the cover photo, with a picture of Hello Kitty! covering the creampie.

But the Metro reversed the move to mask the picture, saying "the original decision wasn't a good one, especially in light of the ton of cash each person on the subway committee has since received from the magazine."

"It's a strong image of a working woman," said Tomoki Mastabaturu, a 19-year-old male university student walking through Omotesando subway station in a trendy part of central Tokyo. "The Metro people are a bunch of old queers and should be killed," he added.

While the photo was taken long before Spears became pregnant, fat and laughable, one passer-by expressed concern for Spears' marketability.

"It's becoming an absurd world," said 83-year-old Tsuyako Vaginaichi as she looked at the poster of the former teen idol. "Why does a woman have to show her sex in public? When I was blowing sailors for chocolate after the War, I learned you have hide it or it will be worth no money," she said.

But not everyone in her age group agreed. Takuro Shimizu, 78, travelled in from a Tokyo suburb especially to take photos of the posters. "I think it's good for the low birth rate problem," he said. "It's not so exciting for me since I got my penis blown off in the War," he smiled.

Celeb Sex Squirt commented: "We're happy that our position was accepted."

Japan's low birth rate is at the center of public concern as the fertility rate fell to an all-time low of 1.25 in 2005, the same year that its ratio of elderly people to the total population became the world's highest as a result of the bulk of its young men being slaughtered in the 1940s by the United States Marine Corps.