UnNews:Police kill religious cult leader and Playstation 3 thief

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

4 December 2006

Playstation 3 thief pays ultimate price for his folly.

WILMINGTON, N.C. - A young preacher and cult leader accused of robbing a college student of two new Playstation 3 video game consoles was shot and killed — possibly while holding either a game controller or his own dick, his roommate said — by officers sent to arrest him.

David Koresh, 27, was killed Friday at a compound he shared with 47 roommates, Sheriff Sid Causey said.

"If this young fellow would've come to the door, opened the door, we probably wouldn't be talking," the sheriff said Sunday.

Roommate Marshall Applewhite said Koresh was unarmed when he got up from playing a Warcraft game but may have been holding his penis when he went to the door as officers bashed it in. Koresh's dog, a German shepherd named "Gabriel" that was also holding its own dog dick, also was shot to death. Oh, and 40 of Koresh's roommates also burned to death.

The sheriff said Koresh was shot by members of a specially trained team who went to help officers serve arrest warrants. Causey said officers considered the arrest a high-risk situation, because they had drunk a lot of coffee before going to the cult leader's compound.

"Anytime that someone steals a Playstation 3, God, or someone like him, kills a masturbator," Causey said.

Authorities promised Monday to fully investigate the shooting. District Attorney Ben David said, "No one is above the law and no one is beneath its protection. And by that, I mean white people, of course." He declined to discuss details of the case.