UnNews:Photon wins Boston Marathon

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

21 April 2014

No, this guy finished second.

BOSTON -- A photon from a Boston streetlight won the hallowed race in Beantown in only a few microseconds, breaking every record known to man. The ambitious particle flew past all the other runners at the speed of light before crashing into a telephone pole 500 yards after the finish line and dying.

His last words were, "Rejoice, we conquer."

In second place was an American named Meb Keflezighi, who finished the race in 2 hours 8 minutes 37 seconds. "I didn't even see the little guy pass me," the runner-up said in an interview. "It totally blew me away."

Last year, the winner was a piece of debris from the Boston Marathon bombings.

Sources

• Peter May "Meb Keflezighi, an American, Wins Boston Marathon" The New York Times, April 21, 2014