UnNews:Paul is not dead

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

27 October 2010

The Abbey Road album cover has always been an unfailing source for bizarre conspiracy theories. In fact, it's just a street next to the studio where a couple of Beatles songs were recorded, as well as some scenes for the Moon Landing show.

OBERHAUSEN, Germany -- Press reports stating that Paul the octopus died yesterday are untrue. Paul is alive and kicking. In fact, kicking has become one of his favorite pastimes, given the fact that one or two of his eight feet are always free for some ball practice. Paul currently works as a freelance consultant for a group of Russian bookmakers, and as a talking head during major sports events.

The hoax news of Paul's death seems to have been started yesterday as a lame joke by some Bielefeld students and has spread quickly. Though nothing more than an urban legend, mainstream media were quick to pick it up and report it as fact.

Only one day later, the public has begun to embellish the hoax into a full-blown conspiracy theory. Unsurprising connections to the far-fetched Paul McCartney Is Dead hoax are made: The Abbey Road album of the Beatles even today offers a couple of hints to Paul the cephalopod: Eight feet crossing the street are an unmistakable hint to an octopus. And one of the album's outstanding songs is Octopus's Garden, written by Ringo Starr. Mr. Starr declined to comment on this today, leaving the press to speculate about the hidden meaning of the text I'd like to be under the sea....

However, sober analysis of the facts shows that there cannot be any truth in the alleged connections between Abbey Road and Paul the octopus. After all, the album was produced in 1969. At this time, Paul the octopus was just an insignificant teenager with no ideas of football, let alone pop. Nice juicy mussels came before music for Paul then.