UnNews:Parti Québécois gains support in Alberta

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1 March 2007

Parti hearti Alberti

EDMONTON, AB -- A recent Gallup poll shows that a full one percent of Albertans support the Québéc sovereignty party, the Parti Québécois.

Reaction to poll has been varied, from the incredulous, CTV veteran reporter Mike Duffy stating, "That shit is wack, son," to the trusting, local falafel vendor, Eddie, who snorted, "I just want those French bastards to leave already. They're like my fucking ex-girlfriend, Sheila. She say(sic) shit like, 'If you don't spend more money on me than I'm gonna have to find some other guy to fuck!' Yeah, well screw you Sheila, you need to move on, you cock juggling thunder cunt!" Eddie then added, "What are you doing handing me a fifty? Do I look like a fucking bank to you four eyes?"

The Premier of Alberta, Edward 'Queasy' Stelmach, had this to say, "My Progressive Conservative party holds 62 of the 83 seats in the Alberta provincial parliament. Now I'm no math genius but that's a very high percentage, like 98% or something close to it." He then asked, "Does anyone have a calculator? I don't want to sound like a total douche on a parody news site."

The goal of "Parti Québécois" is to see again vinyl records on the mass market.

UnNews tried to reach Parti Québécois headquarters in Quebec City, but we were told via phone to "Fuck off you imperialist American pigs!"