UnNews:Oscar Pistorius 'was legless' when he shot girlfriend
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
14 February 2013
PRETORIA, South Africa -- South African Paralympic athlete Oscar Pistorius, charged with murder after his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp was shot dead at his home in Pretoria, was said to be "completely legless" when he committed the act.
A friend told UnNews: "He had been drinking a lot lately. Their relationship was on its last legs. He thought Reevea was having an affair beceause he found a pair of men's clogs in his house. He was a confident man, but that really brought him to his knees."
"She became really abusive to him. She used to steal his blades in the morning and dance with them to the tune of Footloose. And she was the kind of girl who if you gave her a foot, she'd run a mile. As you can imagine, that made him feel about 2 foot tall. The sad thing is, despite all his success on the track, all those burdens he overcame, he never managed to stand up to her. He should have given her the boot a long time ago."
Initial reports said the athlete had shot Steenkamp by accident, mistaking her for a burglar, but after some police legwork, this was soon corrected. "Intruder my foot. This was a domestic. When it goes to court, he won't have a leg to stand on," said local journalist Eileen Alot.
"Unless he pays for some hotshot lawyer, but they cost an arm and a leg. No, I don't think there'll be any running away from this one."
The case makes for a tragic final leg in what had previously been an inspirational story of triumph over adversity. Ironically, Pistorius had recently spoken out against fellow fallen leg-end Lance Armstrong. "I don't want to put my foot in my mouth, but I wish Lance had had the balls to come out and say this all years ago." Now the shoe is on the other foot, and it seems Pistorius is set to follow in Armstrong's footsteps on the path of disgrace.
But Eileen did find one silver lining: "No one is going to fuck with him in prison! Have you seen the size of his blades?"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Oscar Pistorius charged with murder" BBC, February 14, 2013