UnNews:Olympic Games begin with Lady Gaga performing
Friday, July 26, 2024
PARIS, FRANCE
Earlier today, Lady Gaga opened the 2024 Summer Olympics.
Many people were chosen for the role that Gaga would play, including Taylor Swift, the remains of Michael Jackson, and Bonnie Tyler. However, all of these were not lewd enough for French officials, who allegedly stated, "Ze must be so lewd that ze can be fapped to!" Gaga, a hermaphrodite, fulfilled all of their demands, hence her inclusion in the ceremony.
Audience members were initially puzzled by the unusual choice of performer, but their confusion quickly turned to amazement as Gaga sang from "Musique Érotique Française", a Spotify playlist created to make any Frenchman have intercourse with her. Some of these songs have been banned in most countries, causing many people to be arrested after they left the stadium.
Next week, the United States team will be competing with China's team. The captain of the Chinese team has allegedly stated that if any of the members caused the team to fail, all of them would be sent to a concentration camp. The American captain told their team a similar threat, telling them that failure would mean a trip to Guantanamo Bay.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Lady Gaga performs during the Olympic opening ceremony" NBC, July 26, 2024