UnNews:OMG, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE-- wait, nevermind
Sunday, August 4, 2019
EARTH, Space, The Universe -- Oh my god, a giant asteroid is headed for Earth. Scientists are calling it the "City Killer." OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!
I have never seen any of The Godfather movies.
Or Blade Runner.
Or the first three Indiana Jones movies.
I've never read many of the classic novels. But I have read Tom Sawyer.
I actually like the Super Mario Bros. movie.Twilight isn't that bad.
Seriously? That's fucking it?
Shouldn't we all be burning up to oblivion by now? Our flesh turning into a rotting greenish black? Our eyeballs scalding? Our teeth melting? Our tongues exploding? What the fuck, science!
This is like when I see celebrities trend on Twitter and I think they died. Seriously, stop doing that shit, Twitter. I don't wanna think that Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney, Morgan Freeman or Tom Hanks died.
But hey, at least I have more time to do these things I haven't done yet.
But then again, we still have to deal with assholes who cut in front of you driving, blab during movies, can't read (or write, or spell), fart in the elevator, vote Republican, sing off-key in the shower, and run up your bills.
Earth, you suck. You deserve to have an asteroid hit ya.
Better luck next time.
- Staff "'City killer' asteroid misses Earth — and scientists had no idea" CBS News, July 29, 2019
- Rachel Feltman "We were not almost killed by an asteroid this week (Unfortunately)." Popular Science, July 26, 2019