UnNews:Naomi Campbell likes 'dirty stones' - ask Mick Jagger

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

6 August 2010

Naomi Campbell in court: "I need some urgent shopping to attend to."

THE HAGUE, Netherlands -- Catwalk diva Naomi Campbell says it's 'not unusual' to have men come by her bedroom and leave a bag of 'dirty stones' in her possession.

The British born model and mega tantrum expert Naomi Campbell was answering questions at her trial for throwing mobile phones at..I am sorry I'll write that again...was at the War Crimes Tribunal in The Hague as a prosecution witness in the trial of former Liberian president Charles Taylor. Dressed modestly in the latest fashions she could fine, Campbell was asked about a dinner party she attended in 1997 in South Africa with Nelson Mandela, international child collector Mia Farrow and Charles Taylor, then President of Liberia. Campbell was alleged by others present to have been 'all over Taylor' at the event and that he had promised her 'a little surprise' later that evening.

'I am going to hit you with this book for standing next to me'.

Denying that anything funny had been going on, Campbell did confirm she had two strange men come to her door late at night carrying a bag. Campbell said:-

I am used to people knocking on my bedroom door at 3.00 am in the morning. I lead a busy life. So when these men said they wanted to leave me a bag with some 'dirty stones', I thought Mick (Mick Jagger) and Keef (Keith Richards) had turned up late and were pulling one of their practical jokes on me. I had been expecting diamonds but then Mick and Keith are always funny - even if they are older than my mum.

Former Liberian president Charles Taylor adding a caption to his drawing of Naomi Campbell in court.

Campbell says the men then gave her a pouch and she had gone back to bed, putting it under her pillow. The next day Campbell says a man she had never met before came to her room and said he could use 'the rocks' for a charity he was running, a home for ex-models called Dunstruttin . Campbell said she had then given the mystery man the diamonds and told him to 'buzz off' as she needed to get dressed for breakfast. When the chief prosecutor Brenda Hollis asked Campbell if that was a bit too casual, giving a man valuable diamonds without asking any more questions, the super model shrugged her perfumed shoulders and pointed her face at the court room cameras.

You know, Mrs Boring dressed woman lawyer, when you are a model, diamonds are really so Marilyn Monroe these days. I was hoping to get oil drilling rights in the Gulf of Mexico or something a bit more interesting. But diamonds? Got draws full of them at one of my homes, the one with the armed guards and an underground anti-groping bunker.

Also present in court was Charles Taylor who sat at the back making a drawing of Campbell. He's on trial for invading Sierra Leone (not for killing his own people in Liberia as that isn't a crime apparently) and supporting a militia that liked to remove people's unwanted limbs. When asked by the prosecutor if Campbell was happy to dine with a tyrant like Taylor, she said:-

Compared to some of the scumbags I've been with, Taylor was a perfect gentleman. Now, if you don't mind legal people, I need to catch a plane and be in Paris for some high level shopping.

The trial continues.


Sources[edit | edit source]