UnNews:NFL player indicted for dogfighting

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

18 July 2007

A photo of Michael Vick's dogfighting victim Snoopy in happier times

ATLANTA, Georgia - NFL superstar Michael Vick has been formally indicted by a grand jury for dog fighting. Atlanta district attorney, Dewey Gaolum has informed UnNews that this is the first case in American history where someone has started a dogfight without actually being in a war zone.

"We don't know where he even learned to fly a plane," said Atty Gaolum. "He just took off in this Cessna and started shooting at other pilots. It's really strange."

One victim, a Mr. Charles Brown, was quoted as saying, "He shot my dog! He never hurt anything... Just flew around on his doghouse. And now, *sob*, he's gone forever...".

According to defense attorney Ivan Ambuchazer, the legal defense is going to be "innocent by reason of mental defect." "Mr Vick went crazy and convinced himself that he was in Iraq," said Mr. Ambuchazer. "Our plan is to call George W. Bush to the stand and make him explain the war. It's going to be a long trial. We're confident the jury will be sympathetic."

D.A. Gaolum is convinced this defense will fail. "Sure Bush is an idiot," said Gaolum. "But you can't blame him for EVERYTHING, can you?"

In a slight ray of hope, it is possible that Brown's dog Snoopy may be being held in a prisoner of war camp in Brooklyn. The Red Cross has been asked to investigate.

Sources

• CNN "Dogfighting a booming business" CNN, July 18, 2007