UnNews:Museum displays four-legged animals
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 March 2007
HEBRON, WEST BANK - The Museum of Quadrapeds in the West Bank city of Hebron will display an unusual specimen: a four-legged chicken!
According to Abdel Kareen Abu Znaid, the pharmacist who will preserve the chicken (there aren’t any taxidermists in the city), a “misuse of hormones led to such abnormality.” Members of People for the Extermination of Terrestrial Animals (PETA) agree. “Kentucky Fried Chicken deliberately mutates chickens so they will grow extra legs, breasts, and wings for their so-called restaurants.”
Hugh Hefner, publisher of Playboy magazine, is reportedly looking into whether the “misuse of hormones” might cause the development of additional breasts in Playmates, the desperate models who pose nude in his daughter Christie’s magazine. “We’re always looking for something new for our pictorials of feminine freaks,” he told Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies.
Most of the animals in The Museum of Quadrapeds are simply what the museum’s name implies: four-legged animals that have had the misfortune of having been either stuffed and mounted by Znaid or freeze-dried by an unnamed American coffee maker, Folger's.
Some of the museum’s patrons are “disturbed” by the display of the chicken. “Before, the museum was just a place in which one could commune with dead animals that were preserved for one’s viewing pleasure. In this part of the world, we do not have an abundance of animal, or any other life, except terrorists. It was nice to come here and view the preserved cadavers of opossums, armadillos, squirrels, cougars, and the like, but, now, with the display of the chicken monster, the museum has become political, or, I should say, politically correct,” Mohammed Abu Poo Poo pooh-poohed the exhibit. “What’s next?” he asked. “A two-headed goat?”
“Actually, we already have a two-headed goat, named Saddam Hussein, on display,” Znaid said. “Apparently, Mohammed has not visited the museum in some time.”
Hefner is planning to fly to Hebron to visit the museum and to speak with Znaid in person concerning the hormones that multiply body parts. He is reportedly taking several Playmates, past and present, with him, aboard his private jet, who have volunteered to receive hormone treatments from the Hebron pharmacist. “Don’t worry,” Hefner joked with the women, “we just want to give you extra breasts; we don’t intend to mount and stuff any of you.”
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- Lotta Lies "A museum exhibit (and the thought of multiple breasts) captures Hef's attention" Instant News, .0001 second ago