UnNews:Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama
Thursday, March 6, 2025
PEPPATOWN, England -- The tranquil, idyllic English village of Peppatown, of considerable renown for the lofty hills on which its infrastructure stands erect, has been rocked by a shocking revelation. Full-time stay-at-home mother and part-time local firefighter Mummy Pig is expecting a third child, but whispers swirling in the local playground suggest that Daddy Pig may not be the father. The announcement, made over a family breakfast of pancakes, was initially met with joy. However, scandal quickly transpired within the following week after local gossip queen Susan "Suzy" Sheep let fall that Mummy Pig had been seen taking "long walks" with a mysterious, shadowy figure of an alarming fourteen feet in height who snorts in a suspiciously deep tone.
Many fingers point to Mr. Bertram Bull, Peppatown's muscular, gravel-voiced construction worker with a suspiciously frequent presence near the Pig household. Despite Mummy Pig's steadfast assertions that his looming adjacency to the ménage is merely due to his work inspecting roof tiles, others whisper that far more lies within their relationship than meets the eye. A leaked CCTV image, eerie and of grainy quality, depicts Mummy Pig and said shadowy figure – presumably Mr. Bull – standing dangerously close to one another behind the local supermarket. One particular nursery student and conspiracy theorist, Pedro Pony, has gone as far to claim Mr. Bull's recent construction projects may actually be nesting preparations. "If you look at the structure of these buildings," Pedro attested, his glasses slipping down his nose, "They're not built for pigs, but rather for bulls."
Meanwhile, Daddy Pig, the presumed ex-husband of Mummy Pig, renowned "bit of an expert at everything" has had trouble being a bit of an expert at taking the rumours well. "Oh-ho-ho, how silly," he chuckled to approaching reporters, though his two pairs of eyes on either side of his distinctively whistle-shaped head remained soulless and unfocused. Witnesses claim him to have been wandering about the hills at night, muttering to himself whilst clutching an old photograph depicting what things were like back in the good ol' days. "He's been acting unusually strange as of recent," reported Miss Rachel Rabbit who, as usual, was working as both a shop assistant and private investigator whilst UnNews correspondents were interviewing her. "He booked a flight to France last night; said he needed to 'find himself'."
Daughter of Mummy Pig, Peppa, infamous for her sharp tongue and lack of empathy, has taken a more pragmatic approach to the unfolding Peppagate scandal. Sources state that on a car journey to playgroup, she interrogated Mummy Pig in broad daylight, staring unblinking into her soul as the potential swindler drove her across the Peppatown countryside. "If Mr. Bull is my new daddy," she asked, her voice eerily cool and calm, "Does that make me a half‑breed?" Reports suggest Peppa has begun assembling a legal team to secure her inheritance, should Daddy Pig mysteriously "vanish into thin air". Peppa's little brother George remains silent on the situation, his responses limited to his habitual cryptic utterance: "Dinosaur. Grrr." Analysts speculate this affirmation to be a coded warning, hinting at some great, impending catastrophe, much like the extinction of dinosaurs.
In a move that smacks of desperation, The Jeremy Hog Show has secured an exclusive, live paternity test reveal. The upcoming episode, ominously titled "The Snort of Deception", promises high drama, informative DNA disclosures, gasps of astonishment from the audience, and the revelation of whether the fraudster simply legally uses the title "Mummy" as her first name to dodge the disclosure of a long-forgotten criminal past.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Maira Butt "Peppa Pig's mum Mummy Pig announces she is pregnant with third piglet" Independent, February 28, 2025