UnNews:Microsoft come clean, admit "Our software created by monkeys"

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

4 August 2006

Software developer and president of the monkey union at Microsoft ponders the use of a second keyboard for his feet.

REDMOND, Washington -- Microsoft founder Bill Gates has today admitted that Windows, the companys flagship product, was created by monkeys. The startling revelation came while fresh produce giant Fresha Froot was being investigated for money laundering. Investigative reporter Charles Atlas broke the story, afete he became suspicious of huge banana shipments being delivered to the companys Redmond headquarters.

A Fresha Froot employee who wishes to remain anonymous is quoted as saying, "Nobody without an army of monkeys to feed has a use for that quantity of bananas."

When faced with this damning evidence, Microsoft admitted to the scheme. "It started out as an extension of the 1000 monkeys with 1000 typewriters chain of thought." Bill says. "Could 1000 monkeys create an operating system? We thought we'd find out. After several weeks of typing, we cobbled together what they had created, packaged it up in a nice shiny box and shipped 500 million copies as a test. No one was more surprised than us when people started talking about this 'Windows' product running on their computers."

In a related story, the design of Microsofts 'Natural' turns out to be another monkey-inspired product. "We were so impressed by Mr. Atlas' forward thinking (monkey union shop steward) when he proposed the use of a second keyboard by nimble-footed monkeys as an efficient alternative to hiring more humans. In today's tough market conditions, a monopoly needs an edge, and by God, monkeys are giving it to us for peanuts. Well, bananas, at least," said MS Chairman Steve Ballmer.

Sources

• Carlos Casteneda "Monkees impact high tech" Journal of Pedantic Drivel, August 4, 2006