UnNews:Microchip contraceptive developed
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
A contraceptive computer chip that can be operated by remote control has been developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, the home of sex and sexy people.
The chip is implanted under a woman's skin, and releases a small daily dose of levonorgestrel, a contraceptive hormone. However, if the woman decides to have a baby, the dose can be stopped at any time by using a wireless remote control.
The project has been backed by Bill Gates, who described himself as being "tired of the inevitable panic after having unprotected sex with a random tech floozie."
The chips require a trip to a clinic and an outpatient procedure in order to be deactivated. Indeed, the chip can only be deactivated and not removed, much like a Facebook account.
Expert on contraceptives Joanna Corey told us, "The next challenge for the team is to ensure the absolute security of the device to prevent activation or deactivation by another person without the woman's knowledge. The women in our focus group showed a strong aversion to the possibility that their vagina could be hacked into."
One promising line of research involves having attractive women encode the chip, because it appears that nerds have an innate difficulty to know what to do to get a hot girl to allow access to her reproductive system.
The first woman UnNews could find told us, "As much as I like the idea of constantly having a fucking microchip buried in my coochie, I am worried it might not be entirely safe. I had enough problems last year when I found out my neighbors had somehow managed to get access to my wi-fi.
"I don't know if I am ready to digitalize my vagina just yet. If it's anything like my laptop, it will just end up riddled with viruses."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "'Remote control' contraceptive chip available 'by 2018'" BBC, October 25 2023
