UnNews:Men suffer from phantom pregnancy

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 June 2007

The miracle of new life.

ALABASTER REDOUBT, England -- RESEARCH HAS SHOWN that men regularly suffer from pregnancy symptoms. Morning sickness, cravings , back pain and, most commonly, swollen stomachs have all been typical of the symptoms reported by men across the world.

One man in the study said: "I am constantly hungry all the time and have an unstoppable craving for chips, bacon, burgers and cheese. Even in the early hours of the morning I can get up and prepare myself a lovely double decker bacon buttie sandwich. It was strange to say the least, to be suffering these obvious symptons of pregnancy."

Dr Harry Bong, who helped collate the research results said: "When you couple these mens experiencee with their rotund stomachs then you have to agree that we have an interesting and mysterious phenonemon here."

One of the men in the study insisted that the stomach pain he experienced must have been akin to labour. "I had eaten an extra large Chicken Madras, chased down with ten pints of beer and a few triple measures of bourbon" he said. "Within hours I could feel contractions that were getting progressively stronger. I couldn't push and as that was happening my stomach pain was building up and up and getting worse and worse."

"Once finished the toilet concerned was condemned by the local council. The local sewers were blocked for a month!"

Sources

• Another pint Gary? "Another pint Kev?" no thanks, its bad for the baby John, June 15, 2007