UnNews:Man offended at Trump's 'shithole' remark would never visit countries in question

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Friday, January 12, 2018

Are you unsure whether you live in a shithole country? Check on this map!

A man offended by Donald Trump's description of Haiti and Africa as "shithole countries" has admitted he would "never" visit any of the countries in question.

Tim Greenman, 41, from Philadelphia, was incensed by the comments Trump made while discussing immigration, and posted on Facebook: "Ashamed to be an American. Every single day this man's incompetence and unsuitability for the job are laid bare. For how much longer will we tolerate such a disgrace?"

However, when UnNews tracked Greenman down, he refused our offer of an all-expenses paid self-catering trip to Haiti, saying he was "not sure" what the political situation there was. When asked if he could name anything about the island which didn't make it a shithole, or indeed if he could name 1-2 facts about Haiti, he declined to comment.

Feeling that it was unfair to persevere with Haiti, which has been much-maligned by its undesirable links to Wyclef Jean, we upped the ante: we offered Greenman the chance to swap his three-bedroom house in the suburbs for an equivalent-sized home in any country in Africa.

"No, look," Greenman said, closing his Facebook app suddenly. "I am not saying I would live in those countries. I mean, I don't think I would ever visit any of them - I would be really worried about, like, catching a disease or being kidnapped. But thinking of those countries in that way is not the same as calling them shitholes.

"Is it?"

UnNews psychiatrist Joanna Corey tried to explain: "Donald Trump has managed to tap into many hidden elements of the American psyche, and here we have a great source of doublethink among the liberal population: our parents brought us up to believe that people are the same, and that other cultures are wonderful, and that we have much to learn from other nations.

"But then when we tell them we are thinking of going to one, they're like, 'But honey, that place is a shithole!'"