UnNews:Man eats world’s bitterest lemon to protest Olympics…
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
11 April 2008
BEIJING, China – In an effort to get the attention of the Chinese government yesterday, a Beijing man swallowed the world’s bitterest lemon, which had been on display at a local farming competition. He could barely speak afterwards. “My face represents how I feel inside about the Chinese government,” he muttered, nearly imperceptibly, after the event. (UnNews was only able to decipher the comment after hours of audio deconstruction of the tape).
“The way in which China has treated Tibet must stop now!” shouted a young woman nearby who witnessed the horrific event. “Look at this man!” she cried. “When will the government stop the policies that allow such pain to exist?” The unidentified man, though flattered by her concern, was unfazed. “I will continue to express my displeasure facially until my government does what is right by the people,” he announced. The father of three unveiled plans to submit to even more painful facial expressions in a series of upcoming public events, one in which he will smell cat feces, and another, at which he will listen to music by Panic! At the Disco. Events beyond that are not yet planned, but are in the works, he intimated.