UnNews:Jeep recalls Cherokees from freed slaves
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
5 March 2007
OKLAHOMA (IS OK) CITY, OK - Jeep surprised the African-American, black, colored, and Negro communities yesterday when the automotive giant recalled the 2,800 Cherokees it had given to descendants of the African-American, black, colored, and Negro people whom the Cherokee Nation had once owned as slaves. In addition, the automaker decided to petition the Cherokee Nation to revoke the tribal citizenship of these individuals.
“They’re half-breeds, or mulattos, depending on which bloodline, the Mongoloid or the Negroid, you want to count as dominant; in either case, they are not full-blooded Cherokees,” Nate Turner, a spokesman for Jeep, told Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies. “As such, they don’t count as Cherokees or as Indians of any kind. Representing themselves as such was fraudulent, which is why Jeep is recalling the autos. The vehicles were supposed to go to authentic, full-blooded Cherokee Indians, as a token apology on the company’s part for the genocide that the United States government inflicted upon the tribe and other Indians during the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. African-Americans, blacks, coloreds, and Negroes were slaves, sure, but they weren’t victims of genocide, the way Native Americans were.”
The Cherokee Nation is also said to be “incensed” at the mulattos’ fraud. “These are African-Americans, blacks, coloreds, and Negroes, not Cherokees,” tribal spokesman Half-Moon Running Water Songbird’s Nest declared. The tribe has voted to limit citizenship to only descendents of “blood brothers” whose names are listed on the 100-plus-year-old federal Dawes Commission’s rolls.
There were two such rolls, one listing full-blooded Cherokees, the other “wannabe Cherokees whose blood was tainted by intermarriages with other racial groups, especially African-Americans, blacks, coloreds, and Negroes,” Half-Moon Running Water Songbird’s Nest explained. He added, “The Cherokee Nation has nothing against African-Americans, blacks, coloreds, Negroes, or mulattos. There’s nothing wrong with them, in their own way, as long as they know their place, which is not among authentic Cherokees.”
Critics, especially among the African-American, black, colored, and Negro communities, regard the Cherokee Nation’s attempt to exclude mulattos as “motivated by racism” and maintain that it is, therefore, “racist.” However, tribal leaders say that the measure is intended only as a means of “self-determination” and “our survival as a people.”
“No one else, regardless of his or her skin color, has a right to decide who is and who is not a Cherokee but the Cherokee Nation itself,” Half-Moon Running Water Songbird’s Nest contended, “and we have voted.”
Jeep has sided with the Cherokee Nation, which is among its largest customer base for the automobile that bears its name, and demonstrated their support by repossessing the Jeep Cherokees that it had earlier given to the “wannabe Cherokee people” along with those whose bloodlines are “pure.” As a consolation prize for those who lost their free vehicles, Jeep is considering awarding a coupon for half off on an oil change or a free 12-ounce soft drink at any participating Big Chief Convenience Store.
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- Lotta Lies "Red-blooded Americans deny citizenship to those of even partial African-American, black, colored, or Negro descent" Instant News, 44.88 seconds ago