UnNews:JJ Abrams confuses Star Trek and Star Wars
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
29 January 2013
BURBANK, California -- It has officially been cofirmed by Disney & Lucasfilm that JJ Abrams will direct Star Wars Episode VII. However, Abrams has admitted to confusing Star Wars with another popular science fiction franchise he currently helms, Star Trek.
"The only reason I did the Star Trek reboot is because I mistook it for Star Wars," Abrams admits. "I wanted Kirk to shoot first. I wanted Spock to be frozen in carbonite. I wanted Nero to reveal to Kirk that he was his father. But Paramount kept saying no, no, no. Then I realized. 'Ah, shit! I'm confusing Star Trek with Star Wars.' Well, you'll be glad to know that I've gotten my confusion straightened out."
Some fans have expressed doubt that Abrams can handle both franchises. "It's gonna get real confusing," says one fan. "He might end up getting so baffled that his brain explodes. Then he'll be as brainless as Spock was in episode #56, 'Spock's Brain.'"
But George Lucas, who gave up his reigns last October after 35 years, is confident that Abrams is the right person for the job. "He knows Star Wars better than I do. Only because I haven't known what Star Wars is for at least 15 years."
Paramount and Disney have not commented on Abrams's confusion.
Abrams did go on to say, "I can't wait to welcome audiences back into the world of Lone Starr, Barf, Princess Vespa, Dot Matrix, Dark Helmet, President Skroob, Yogurt, and..." He then paused awkwardly. "Wait, that's Spaceballs, isn't it? Dammit! I give up. I hope Christopher Nolan isn't too busy."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Bar Bar Jinks "Disney confirms JJ Abrams for Star Wars Episode VII" GeeksofDoom.com, January 26, 2013