UnNews:Iran opens "Holocaust Revue"

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14 December 2006

"Four Jews died during World War II, and they choked on bad Gefilte fish."

SHIRAZ, Iran -- Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmabadguydad opened Holocaust Revue over the weekend, a madcap vaudevillian rendition of the events leading up to an including the genocide of 6 million Jews during WWII by the Nazi German regime. Ahmabadguydad said that Iran was the best place to hold it, because unlike most European countries it is not a crime to make a silly musical about the holocaust. In the US it is a crime worthy of reporting to Homeland Security, hence the recent disappearance of Mel Brooks.

Ahmabadguydad is not alone in his production. It is coproduced by noted fellow Muslim (and noted song stylist) Osama Bin Laden, whose other credits include such films as I'm sitting against a rock with an AK47 and mumbling and the hit sequel I'm sitting against a nondescript wall with two AK47s and the mullah on my left is mumbling.

Performers included David Duke performing a half-naked number with the Iranian foreign minister Manouchehr Mottaki titled "The holocaust never happened, and thats a shame cuz if it did then there wouldn't be Israel."

Austrian Frederich Tobën performed a strip tease to the tune of a xylophone and accompanying lyrics such as "Minds are being switched off to the Holocaust dogma as it is being sold as a historical fact and yet we are not able to question it. This is mental rape."

As the last notes of his strong baritone voice carried over the word "rape" a line of dancing anti-Zionist rabbis came out and began doing a kick routine before dropping into a pool which, unbeknownst to them, president Ahmabadguydad had filled with sharks with fricken lasers on their heads. Ahmabadguydad then pops out and yells,"Jews is Jews!"

Other song and dance numbers from the revue included popular comedy hits such as:

"Say Herschel, why does this conga line lead into that furnace?"

"The hills are alive with the sounds of starvation"

"Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel, I made it out of clay, when I spin it really fast, blows mustard gas away"

and the ever popular "If the holocaust really happened than where did all these damn Jews come from?"

Other theories were put forth through adorable vaudeville routines such as the long held Kazakhstani belief that, rather than killing Jews, the Nazis mistakenly imprisoned and killed Jew substitutes, such as "I can't believe it's not Jews", which isn't even Kosher. It wasn't all fun and games though. The only Jewish member of Iran's parliament, Maurice Motamed, gave the show a terrible review simply because it demeaned a catastrophe for his people:

"Holding this performance after having a competition of cartoons about the Holocaust has put a lot of pressure on Jews all over the world and it can give nations and governments a very negative impression of Iran."

When asked about other governments getting a negative impression of Iran Ahmabadguydad laughed for five minutes, then had Mr. Motamed fed to his laser sharks, then denied that it ever happened.

Sources

• Wikipedia "International Conference to Review the Global Vision of the Holocaust" Wikipedia, December 14, 2006